BERKELEY, Calif. – Massive strikes were averted Wednesday morning when the University of California finally agreed to a fairer labor contract with UCAFT lecturers. The …
Carol Christ Spotted on Sproul With Pete Davidson
BERKELEY, Calif. – Sources confirmed Friday that Chancellor Carol Christ was spotted on Sproul Plaza holding hands with New York City native Pete Davidson. “They …
Biden Shows CNR Students Solidarity by Falling Asleep During Lecture on Climate Change
GLASGOW, Scotland — Putting to rest any notions that he is out of touch with the youth, U.S. President Joe Biden recently demonstrated his solidarity …
Waitlist to Deepthroat Oski’s Cock Grows Longer, as Does Oski’s Cock
BERKELEY, Calif. — Recent reports from CalCentral confirm that, as of last Friday, the waitlist for UGBA 69 (“Deep-Throating Oski’s Massive Cock”) has grown to …
Hearst Museum Celebrates Halloween by Hiding 9000 Human Skeletons Under a Swimming Pool
BERKELEY, Calif – Halloween is just around the corner and the Hearst Museum of Anthropology isn’t one to miss out on all the spooky fun! …
Based! Male PoliEcon Major Finally Shuts the Fuck Up
BERKELEY, Calif – In an unprecedented move, political economy major and aspiring debate bro Kyle Thebedeau boldly shut the fuck up this Thursday afternoon whilst …
God Confirms He Isn’t Dead, Just Went Out for Milk
In spite of God’s literal, physical manifestation on Sproul, many of His doubters remain unconvinced of his existence.
“If God is real,” began renowned logician and meme inventor Dickhard Rawskins, “why hasn’t he given me the Limited Edition Ultra Rare Pyrus Bakugan I’ve been praying for since third grade? He didn’t give it to me then, and he isn’t giving it to me now, so clearly he is either not real, or a real bitch.”