GLASGOW, Scotland — Putting to rest any notions that he is out of touch with the youth, U.S. President Joe Biden recently demonstrated his solidarity with the UC Berkeley CNR community by falling asleep during a climate change seminar delivered at the COP26 Conference.
“Finally, a president who understands me,” yawned forestry major Kim Pearson as she woke up from a nap in her Climate and Society class. “It’s difficult enough to pay attention when the material we’re covering is the same shit scientists have been saying for decades now, but when the lecturer says ‘it’s up to your generation to solve the problems prior generations refused to address’ as if it’s not the 56,273rd time we’ve heard that statement, it all starts to sound like white noise. I’m glad President Biden has finally caught on to the game and realized it’s better to just doze off.”
Student action groups have praised the President’s spontaneous snoozing as an indication of his progressive leanings.
“Personally, I think it’s a bold statement,” commented CALPIRG representative Heather Chan. “By literally sleeping during the COP26 Conference, Biden is subtly criticizing the way the majority of Americans have been ‘sleeping’ in the face of the climate crisis. Likewise, by stripping his upcoming reconciliation bill of nearly all of its clean energy provisions, Biden is bravely pointing out the federal government’s woeful ineptitude when it comes to tackling climate issues. He may be 54 years older than the oldest zoomer, but as far as climate activism is concerned, he truly is the voice of our generation.”
Several drowsy CNR students have credited Biden for inspiring them to catch their forty winks during lecture; other, more independently-minded students, however, insist that they would sleep in class whether or not the President endorsed their behavior.
“Honestly, I get so much more value out of sleeping than listening to whatever the fuck Prof Rausser is talking about,” said Environmental Economics and Policy major Aditya Varma. “Like, I actually wake up in the morning feeling refreshed, happy, and ready to take on the day. The best part is, I don’t even remember any of Prof Rausser’s rants about how Reagan worshipped him in the 80’s and I’m a total moron for not knowing what an ‘externality’ is. I mean, I guess it would be cool if we had a professor who actually knew how to teach, but this dude dropped $50 million to get the entire college renamed after him, so here we are.”
At press time, over 2,000 CNR students have signed a change.org petition for the ‘Rausser College of Natural Resources’ to be rechristened the ‘Biden College of Much Needed Rest.’