BERKELEY, Calif. – Sources confirmed Friday that Chancellor Carol Christ was spotted on Sproul Plaza holding hands with New York City native Pete Davidson.
“They were riding matching Lime scooters and giggling softly to each other as they sped down Sproul and up Bancroft,” observed freshman Drake Maloney. “The way they ran over pedestrians together could only be true love. I had no idea Pete Davidson was dating the Chancellor, but given how Pete’s shown himself a perfect match for talented women in powerful positions, I guess it all makes sense.”
Davidson himself has denied all accusations of ‘playboy behavior,’ claiming that he has been fully-committed to his relationship with Chancellor Christ for over a year now.
“I have no idea why people think I’ve been dating anyone else; it’s been Carol first, Carol second, and Carol third, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week for me,” said Pete Davidson. “I mean, we just have so much in common. Did you know she was born in New York too? She’s a total Berkeley girl now though, and I heard people in Berkeley have really strong feelings about plastic, so I consulted my friend Kim Kardashian for advice because she knows all about that. She told me to get Carol a CafePress tote bag, because it combines Carol’s two favorite things – durable canvas and meaningless messaging – and it’s totally biodegradable! I’m happy to say Carol absolutely loved it.”
Chancellor Christ has been somewhat more reluctant to acknowledge her relationship with Davidson.
“Oh, Petey, he’s such a sweetie isn’t he?” laughed Christ while drop-kicking a homeless person off the soon-to-be-developed-over People’s Park. “That’s why I call him Sweetie Petey! I just think all his little gifts are so cute. But if he wants our friendship to blossom into something… more, well, let me just say, he has to start working a teensy bit harder.”
At press time, a heartbroken Oski was spotted taping a note with the words “I STILL LOVE YOU” on the window of Chancellor Christ’s office in Sproul Hall.