Carol Christ went full glam at last weekend’s home game, proving she’s not only capable of stealing land, but also the spotlight. “Oh this little …
A Retrospective: Carol Christ Ponders, “Did We Steal Enough Indigenous Land?”
“Yet we have to consider, did we steal enough land?” Christ wrote. “We’ve got students to house, and, like, I mean, listen: a $4.1 billion endowment doesn’t exactly make us rich you know? What, you expect us to just buy a building to develop over when there’s some perfectly good public space right there for the taking?”
UC Berkeley Announces Phase Allocation of COVID-19 Vaccine to be Determined by SAT Score
BERKELEY, Calif. – Amid self-sequester mandates in UC Berkeley residence halls and an increase in UCPD presence to limit the spread of COVID-19, the university …
UC President Michael Drake Intends for Fully In-Person Kicking Your Ass
“I was a professor of ophthalmology for decades, so I can guarantee: all you’re gonna see is hands.”
Uh Oh! Carol Christ Under Mistletoe AND Investigation for Shoplifting!
BERKELEY, Calif. – Just when students forgot about Chancellor Dirks, the UC Berkeley administration found itself mired in new controversy. “These allegations are absurd,” responded …
Carol Christ Restricts Commencement Availability to Her OnlyFans
BERKELEY, Calif. – Amid the ongoing pandemic, universities across the country are changing their graduation plans. “UC Berkeley’s commencement ceremony is no light fare,” said …
In Lieu of Tuition Relief, Carol Christ Offers Each Student an Otter Pop
BERKELEY, Calif. – Recognizing the hefty price tag of an inadequate education, UC Berkeley Chancellor Carol Christ has announced an update to the university’s …
Carol Christ Announces Huge New Construction Project: “It’s an Ant Farm. We’re Finally Going to Do Something With All of These Ants.”
She turned to our staff writer with sudden anger, “It’s all these crumbs.”
In Another Massive Overreaction, the ASUC Judicial Council Decides To Publicly Execute Carol Christ Over A Parking Ticket
Yet, there is already a central takeaway. Democracy functions best when built upon the broad shoulders of bureaucratic technicalities.
Tang Screws Up And Accidentally Switches Carol Christ’s STD Test Results With Chad’s
With a new semester comes a new Tang visits, including from our very own Carol Christ.