BERKELEY, Calif – In an unprecedented move, political economy major and aspiring debate bro Kyle Thebedeau boldly shut the fuck up this Thursday afternoon whilst halfway through an unscripted-but-at-this-point-fairly-predictable rant in his Gender and Capitalism discussion.
“It wasn’t planned,” Thebedeau said of his decision to shut the fuck up (not the rant itself, which was, in fact, planned). “I was in the middle of making my own modest contribution to the class — by which, of course, I mean my completely unsolicited hour-long deep-dive into why the ‘gender pay gap’ isn’t a thing and this one article I found on Reddit proves it – when I suddenly realized I had no idea what I was talking about and should probably just shut the fuck up.”
Instructors rejoiced in Thebedeau’s brave decision.
“Praise the Lord!” exclaimed G&C Professor Claire Leighy, before quickly amending, “Not that I don’t enjoy listening to Kyle speak. I love it when students actively engage with the material. It’s just that I have a hard time presenting the material when Kyle spends the entire lecture period talking about whatever he last heard on Reddit.”
All across the nation, beleaguered male intellectuals are taking inspiration from Thebedeau’s radical act.
“I used to think I had to talk really fast and loudly if I wanted to achieve things like screwing over poor people or stripping women of their reproductive rights,” said Daily Wire host and notoriously punchable face Benjamin Shapiro. “Now I know that if I just sit still and shut the fuck up, the Supreme Court will do all those things for me! Thanks, Kyle! I never knew it was this easy.”
Other high-profile men who have shut the fuck up in solidarity with Thebedeau include James Franco, former University Chancellor Nicholas Dirks, the MyPillow Guy, Pepé Le Pew, and former Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld.
Much to the relief of his professors and peers, Thebedeau has indicated that he will continue to shut the fuck up for the remainder of the class period. However, when asked if he would start taking notes, he said “no,” since this would involve him listening to a woman.