BERKELEY, Calif. – Despite her passion for the show, Carol Christ will no longer be participating in ‘Undercover Boss’ as she never managed to get off the waitlist for any of her classes.   

“I have spent my entire professional life in higher education, yet I never cease to marvel at the wonderful, rhythmic ebb and flow of university life. While my reign oversight has rewarded me with the benefits equivalent to a small monarch, I suppose this may make me somewhat out of touch with the daily hustle and bustle students experience. I know this is crazy, but I do occasionally feel as if there might be some dissatisfaction among students regarding my authority. What, you try and build a massive housing structure on a site that happens to be the cornerstone of Berkeley history and culture which consequently brings in greater police presence, environmental destruction, and harm towards the houseless community, and suddenly you’re the bad guy??” Christ gave a shrug. “Undercover Boss just seemed to be a beneficial move; that is until I couldn’t get into PoliSci 103.”

Explaining her frustration, she continued saying, “I mean how was I supposed to control my late enrollment date or know that preferred enrollment meant I would never get in? It’s simply ridiculous. They’re learning about the Senate? I am the Senate.”

Vice Provost for Student Affairs, Seamore Buns, explained the strategy behind assimilating the Chancellor into a class full of twenty-year-olds. 

“The Chancellor obviously had to blend in and fully immerse in student life to be a true undercover boss. But that comes at a price: not only was she unable to get into any of her classes, but she also got explosive diarrhea after her first meal from Cafe 3, and somehow has three info sessions and two coffee chats this week for varying consulting clubs.” 

Speaking on the administration’s function in her stead he continued saying, “It’s really taking a toll on us. Usually I just give all the money to the football team and dry clean her blazers. Now I have to host the Global Poverty and Practice dinner at her mansion AND take over her list of Berkeley landmarks to destroy next. It’s tough.”

At press time, the Chancellor dolefully noted that no one would get to see the outfit modifications she designed to blend in. “Surely, my blue blazer with jean shorts would have elicited an invite to Fiji this weekend.”

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