BERKELEY, Calif.– I was positively thrilled last night when that chill dude I met at the Taco Bell Cantina, Ash Hole, texted me, “Party at my co-op. $0.86 cents at the door, additional $6.42 to use the whippets table. Party theme is “Slutty Guantanamo Bay.”

Everyone knows Ash! Just listen to what my pal Pim Entelhall said:

“Oh yeah Ash? He’s pretty chill I guess; he lives in that one co-op with the sticky floor, nudity–encouraged policy, and esoteric party themes. No, the other one. No, the other other one. Nope, not that one either. No not that one either–”

The instant I saw Ash at the party, it was incredible – what a lax guy! Immediately he gave me a PBR, and then another, and then another, and then a couple more warm ones that he pulled out of his pocket; I was 3 months sober, but he knew I just needed to crack a brew and relax! Such a quality guy, the next thing he did was help me find my car. He said it best: “If you can count to two, you are safe to drive!” 

The whole time it was just classic ribbing and back-slapping. A lot of backslapping, actually – and a little bit of punching, and I think he brought out a baseball bat at one point? I can’t remember, he and his pals were forcing me to keg-stand for at least 35 minutes. But his jokes were hilarious! At one point he even called me “a miserable little shit boy who isn’t even worthy of drinking piss” and then whacked me again! It’s that type of quirky, irreverent humor that really makes for a stand-up guy!

My friends at Slutty Guantanamo Bay were really messing with me the next day; I remember my friend from Data 8, Jussum Guy, chatting with me the following morning in section:“How the hell did you survive that? You look like if one of those worn-out Urban Ore couches could die.” Funny guy! Guess he just wasn’t in on the joke – not everyone is cool enough to hang with the Ash Hole.

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