BERKELEY, Calif. – Berkeley Middle students and faculty were pleasantly surprised when they toured UC Berkeley this Thursday and found the student body especially friendly, happy, and welcoming.
“Wassup lil’ brah!!!” exclaimed Calvin Smith in response to the tours. Smith, a junior who spent the day lounging on the glade with sunglasses and an extensive collection of snacks for no particular reason, continued: “I’m so glad y’all are here. Life is so beautiful, man. You got so much ahead of you to look forward to. And Berkeley’s soooo chill. You want a hit?”
Berkeley Middle students were ecstatic to see that Berkeley students were so happy and friendly to them despite their relative youth. Many had previously heard stereotypes about Berkeley college students being depressed, high-strung, and not especially friendly, but their qualms were calmed by this April 20th visit.
“When our 7th-grade class approached the Glade, there were so many people there to say hi to us. They even had an epic smoke machine to welcome our arrival on campus. They all seemed to point us out but in a super friendly way! Some said hi, and some were even laughing for a prolonged period of time out of pure joy. I used to think college students were scary, but they honestly act like our age. It makes me look forward to when I go to college,” commented Mary Jean, a student among those who visited Berkeley from Berkeley Middle.
At press time, Berkeley Middle staff were seen hurriedly ushering students away from the Glade area, some walking briskly and shielding student eyes, despite the warm reception they received.
i’m dead