BERKELEY, Calif. – The Theta Meta Feta Fraternity has been receiving attention for their most recent pronouncement which has sparked both praise and outrage in the community. In a now deleted Instagram post, the organization announced their decision to forgo their traditional bid system and instead introduce a more progressive weight list system.
“I just didn’t really feel comfortable operating on a system of exclusion, especially in this political climate. Yeah it might seem, like, outrageous or crazy to some people, but not to me and the other Theta Meta Feta brothers. You know, people called Martin Luther King Jr. crazy and fuck it, we got a dream,” said chapter president Thaddeus Chunk while opening a can of Redbull with his chipped front tooth. “We have a dream that one day girls of all sizes from 00 to, hell, even a 7 can throw some ass in the pit. And we’re really committed to making a big, hehe, big..impact on our community, so we’re taking this serious as fuck. Scale at the door, diversity equality incline training, we’re deadass. No more getting in just because you’re fine shyt or you know a brother. It’s about what’s inside that really counts.”
Curiously, when asked about how the system will deal with male partygoers, the brothers seemed to still be deciding on a best course of action.
“You know, in the past there have been some concerns about the guys at our parties. I think the exact term used in the report was “super fucking creepy”, but I think that if we’re trying to promote inclusivity with women and shit, it’s only fair to do the same for guys. We don’t want to exclude men solely because they’re bitchless and we think they’re chopped as fuck, so we decided to do a merit based system. If you can bench 250 pounds worth of Oski beer kegs at the door, then you’re welcome to party with us brother!” And when asked about the possible impact of this policy on men’s self esteem, Chunk responded with “I think that we’re doing our part in fighting the male bitchless- sorry, loneliness epidemic.”
At press time, the Theta Meta Feta brothers were seen discussing implementing the head count system as another possible alternative, which as you may have deduced is exactly how it sounds.