BERKELEY, Calif. – Last night, failed actor turned right-wing commentator Michael Knowles gave a speech on campus about “eliminating transgenderism,” 12 years after starring in …
“At Least I Was On TV!” Says Student As They Pass Away From Heat Stroke
BERKELEY, Calif. — Proving that Cal students have game once and for all, Saturday marked the first time in history that UC Berkeley appeared on …
Social Impact Consulting Club Signs Exclusive Deal with Lockheed Martin
BERKELEY, Calif. – In an absolutely shocking but also entirely predictable turn of events, new social impact consulting club Renewal Strategies has announced a 5-year …
Local Harsh Noise Band Performs Set Using Gypsy’s Trattoria Microphone
BERKELEY, Calif. – After forgetting all their distortion and effects pedals, local harsh noise band Stabby Ears made the practical decision to use the Gypsy’s …
Fact-Checking the Vance-Walz Vice Presidential Debate
NEW YORK – Following the Trump-Harris presidential debate, where most argue Harris delivered a much better performance, Governor Tim Walz and Senator JD Vance debated …
Bottom Alert! Neither Of My Roommates Have The Confidence To Take Out The Trash
BERKELEY, Calif. — The act of allowing the trash to pile high in one’s apartment yet waiting for a different roommate to take it out …
UC Berkeley Drops to #2 Public University Because of You Specifically
BERKELEY, Calif. – On the afternoon of September 23rd, 2024, members of the UC Berkeley community were shocked to discover that U.S News had downgraded …
Breaking! Gig Car That Doesn’t Smell Like Weed and Ass Unearthed
BERKELEY, Calif. — On Sunday morning, after a riotous first few weeks of the semester, junior Tiffany Wilson made a bewildering discovery. Parked two feet …
Fact Checking the Trump-Harris Presidential Debate
PHILADELPHIA – Following the first and only presidential debate between Vice President Kamala Harris and former President Donald Trump, news outlets have rushed to correct …
Too Far? Chronic Baby-Talker Refers to Chernobyl as “Chernobies”
BERKELEY, Calif.- Late Saturday night, official news publications were alerted by the UC Berkeley’s Top Secret BINKIE (Berkeley Institute of Neuro-linguistic Kinesic Infant Emulation) Research …