WASHINGTON, D.C – In a stupefying turn of events, President-elect Trump has officially nominated Dr. Mehemet “The Great and Terrible” Oz to oversee Medicare, prompting …
Friend Comes Out as Freaky Through Instagram Reel Likes
BERKELEY, Calif – Through Instagram’s display of accounts who have liked a certain reel, senior Samantha Jones was shocked to discover that her friend nicknamed …
Student Named ‘Nobel Laureate’ Disappointed to Find Their Car Towed
BERKELEY, Calif. – It’s easy to think that parking enforcers are out to get you, specifically. To Nobel Laureate, a pre-Haas freshman, this feeling is …
LEAKED: Memo Shows Trump’s Prospective Cabinet Picks
WASHINGTON, D.C. – With only two months to go before President-elect Donald Trump is inaugurated for his second term, he has begun to announce his …
Crabs Show Out in Droves to Vote for Seafood Boil Party
OLD BAY, Md. — Thousands of crabs marched sideways to the polls Tuesday in order to let their cancrine voices be heard by electing The …
Superb Announces Enrollment Time Slots as Next Giveaway
BERKELEY, Calif – To the relief and surprise of students across campus, ASUC Superb announced on Monday its next highly anticipated student giveaway: class enrollment …
Massive EEG Attached to the United States, Scientists Amazed by Complete Lack of Brain Activity
ZANTHRON, Ullrstar Galaxy– In an exclusive press conference on Zanthron-67, intergalactic scientists revealed their findings on the baffling medical anomaly occurring on planet Nova-3 (commonly …
Oh Fuck Oh Fuck Oh Fuck Oh Fuck Oh Fuck Oh Fuck Oh Fuck Oh Fuck Oh Fuck
WASHINGTON D.C – Oh fuck oh fuck oh fuck oh fuck oh fuck oh fuck oh fuck oh fuck oh fuck oh fuck oh fuck …
The Free Peach’s 2024 Election Endorsements
BERKELEY, Calif. – With every election season, The Free Peach’s Editorial Board endorses candidates and measures relevant to its readers. Our endorsements rely on thorough …
Continuing the Halloween Spirit? Project Partner Still Ghosting You
BERKELEY, Calif. – Trick-or-treaters and rave-goers alike were shocked at the stunning dedication to Halloween that occurred today on campus, ranging from the furry club …