In anticipation of Supreme Court Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg’s lecture on campus, The Free Peach sent a brave journalist to cover her time at Berkeley. Here are their records of what she did before addressing whoever this lecture was actually for. 

4:59am – RBG connects to CalVisitor.

5:00am – RBG was spotted working out this morning. The Academic Senate decisively acted and overwhelmingly voted to rename the RSF the RBG in an attempt to re-establish Berkeley as the #1 Public University. 

5:47am – RBG walks past me on Bancroft. Stunned, I collapse into the bike lane, where a Ford GoBike nearly misses my frail and weakened body. 

7:00am – RBG attends breakfast at Crossroads Dining Hall. After her campus escort, who spent all their flex dollars on GBC burritos, fails to swipe her in, the Supreme Court Justice forks over $10 cash so she can dine.

8:00am – I consider skipping my class, until I suddenly feel a searing pain all over my arm. Looking down at my singed flesh, I see the words “The state controlling a woman would be denying her full autonomy and full equality.” I black out and reawaken in Dwinelle 145.

8:57am – As I contemplate the hold that my government has over my rights, opportunities, and access to my own medical services in a land that is supposed to be “free,” I sit and wonder. What is freedom? I close my eyes and think of RBG. What is freedom, Ruth?

9:00am – Lecture finally ends and I’m back on track to find RBG. I know there’s only one place a hip-hip-and-happenin’ gal like Ruth would go. I wait for the 51B and head downtown.

12:30pm – RBG grabs a BLT at the Butcher’s Son for lunch (plant based kween!). She is greeted by the Butcher’s Son himself, who hand feeds her the sandwich.

3:00pm –  As I go to buy a green book, I spot RBG in the line of the student store. In her hands are a moleskine journal and a “Berkeley Mom” sweater. Does this mean I can call her mom now? 

4:00pm – RBG speaks at the Herma Hill Kay Memorial Lecture

5:30pm – RBG leaves Zellerbach. A billion emotions run through my mind, but I choose to remain at a distance because I am battling a cold and getting her sick could very well derail reproductive rights for the next century.

6:30pm – Walking off campus, RBG must dodge through AFX rehearsal outside Haas Pavilion. Though she nimbly crosses through the horde of dancers, a renegade fist from a sweaty freshman attempting to “hit the folks” barrels toward her head. Knowing that this is my time, I lunge and grab the fist before it can endanger the Justice. I intercept the fist with my face, and collapse to the ground. RBG’s eyes meet mine. The seared marks on my arm begin to glow. A disembodied voice chants “intersectional feminism.” My eyes roll back in my head, and I see a vision of a 40 foot tall RBG eating Supreme Court Justice Brett Kavanaugh. When I come to, RBG is gone. I immediately burst into flames.

6:31 – RBG disconnects from CalVisitor.

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