BERKELEY, Calif – Reports surfaced this past week of Satan, also known as Lucifer, being ousted from his regime as ruler of Hell by a …
“Why I Am Not Running for President,” Explains Bob Avakian to Empty Auditorium
BERKELEY, Calif. — All six members of the Revolutionary Communist Party (REVCOM) have flocked to Sproul Plaza in order to campaign for their non-campaigning candidate …
Survey Finds Modern Man’s American Dream is Being Rich Enough to DJ on the Side
SAN FRANCISCO, Calif.–– Yesterday afternoon, new reports came in from Burning Man exit polls showing the new target for young, untalented, Elon-worshiping tech bros: being …
Cuffing Season Accompanied by Red Flag Warning
BERKELEY, Calif. – Northern California residents are encouraged to stay vigilant as a red flag warning has been issued for most of the Bay Area …
Barron Trump Now Socially Liberal, Fiscally Conservative
NEW YORK CITY – After enrolling in NYU Stern this fall with a concentration in “interpretive capitalist philosophy and Big Money,” Barron Trump revealed that …
Awesome! Protest Against War Crimes Perfect Career Opportunity for Journalism Student
BERKELEY, Calif. — Following a year of Israeli war crimes in Gaza, hundreds of students gathered on Sproul to protest the atrocities committed and UC …
Bless Her Heart! Woman Still Says ‘ChatGBT’
BERKELEY, Calif. — A hush fell over UC Berkeley’s Interpreting Shakespeare class this past Thursday morning as third-year Bea Hind inadvertently revealed her academic integrity …
Watch Out, Zodiac Killer! True Crime Podcast Host Celebrates Reaching Double Digits on IQ Test
BERKELEY, Calif.–– True Crime Addicts everywhere, from dank parent-owned basements to beige-colored home pilates studios, are celebrating their favorite podcast host’s newest accomplishment. Ash of the True Crime Addict podcast recently went to instagram to announce the news that she has retaken her IQ test after undergoing intense educational therapy and has come out the other end with an entirely different number – sweet sweet sixteen! In the midst of her celebration and achieving eligibility for the State Drivers License exam, Ash has made time to sit down with us and answer our burning questions.
“Well—lots and lots of blocks were involved. Some had numbers, some were shapes and you had to fit the shapes into holes—it’s making my head hurt just thinking about it. Clearly the hard work paid off though,” she declared while struggling to count the fingers on her hand.
Former Gay Romance Short Film Actor Gives Speech Against “Transgenderism”
BERKELEY, Calif. – Last night, failed actor turned right-wing commentator Michael Knowles gave a speech on campus about “eliminating transgenderism,” 12 years after starring in …
“At Least I Was On TV!” Says Student As They Pass Away From Heat Stroke
BERKELEY, Calif. — Proving that Cal students have game once and for all, Saturday marked the first time in history that UC Berkeley appeared on …