“He said, verbatim, ‘and to anyone who missed lecture today, don’t forget that the windows to this classroom face the Glade. I can see you from up here – we can all see you from up here. It’s like getting opera seats at a Grateful Dead concert.’”
Crowd Cheers as Acoustic Guitar Players Fight for Dominance of the Glade
BERKELEY, Calif. — Freshman Maya Whitman was surprised on Wednesday to see that her boyfriend, Michael Fisher, was surrounded by a crowd on Memorial Glade. …
Dog on Glade Unaware He’s Only Source of Meaning in My Life
BERKELEY, Calif. — Amid finals, local terrier Toaster Sanchez has become the only source of meaning in life for many students. “I hate my major, …
Big Man’s Ego Totally Dependent on Slamming Tiny Ball into Tiny Net
BERKELEY, Calif. — Failing to relive the glory afforded to him in high school by being a mid-tier varsity water polo player, Cal freshman Dominic Hughes has poured his heart and soul into a new favorite pastime.
“My fragile, fragile ego’s been in, like, freefall ever since I arrived here last month,” explained Hughes while slamming a tiny ball into a tiny net on the Glade. “But ever since I discovered Spikeball, it’s been propped up by a precarious, Jenga-like support system, which is, like, a total relief. Once I saw five consecutive games being played exclusively by other dudes in the 5’10” to 6’2”, moderately athletic range, I knew I was home.”