Here at The Free Peach, we take pride in thought-out journalism that affects the communities we cater to in positive ways. We understand the responsibility that comes with the ever-important job of content creating, which is why we thought that attributing characters in Game Of Thrones to local fraternities would impact the Berkeley community in a large way. Without further ado, a masterpiece:
SAE: Bran Stark
Got a problem? Throw it out the window!
Zete: The Night King
Just when you thought that you couldn’t come back to life after death, Zete proved you wrong! They literally came back from death. It’s perfect! The Night King has a dragon now too, which is #sick.
DKE: The Wildlings
You never really know what these guys are up to, but it somehow always seems to be dark there, just like the woods that the Wildlings live in.
DX: Tyrion Lannister
They share the Lannister SoCal Bro name, Tyrion is definitely the new Chad, but they are a tad bit on the shorter side.
SX: Jaime Lannister
The SoCal-est Bro in all of Game of Thrones. Too bad about his hand though. Hope he recovers from that.
Politically, you never really know which side he’s on. Is he in BCR? Is he #woke and running for ASUC office? Unsure!
Phi Psi: Lord Varys (The Spider)
Do these guys actually exist? Or do they just lurk around in the shadows? Truly an enigma.
KA: The entirety of the South
With their spiritual leader being Robert E. Lee, it seems wrong to attribute any character to Kappa Alpha Order that ISN’T Southern. Rich, tan, shallow? Check!
AEPi: The Weird High Priest Guy
Idk, like religion? We’re really running out of ideas, there’s a lot of frats here.
FIJI: Viserys Targaryen
The imagery connected with dragons coincides perfectly with the ever-burnt tree outside their yard as the result of USC Bagos 2k18.
Do you feel changed yet? Have we just brightened your day through our shallow comparison of party cults exclusively for men with characters of the sex fantasy of Game of Thrones? Did you… like that? We’re sure you did!