BERKELEY, Calif. – Late Sunday afternoon campus officials responded to reports that freshman Cindy Falseton had been inadvertently stuck to the basement floor of the …
Frat Bro’s Wrist Sore After Thunderous Slap From Campus Administration
BERKELEY, Calif. – Sigma Alpha Epsilon recruiter Trey Treyson reported a sore wrist after a slightly-harder-than-usual slap from university administration Friday morning. “Bruh! This is …
Cal Greeks Lament Vaccines for Making Frat Parties Safer
Though recent vaccinations have catapulted Southside Berkeley into an era where the phrase “I know a brother” no longer doubles as a form of contact …
Frat Bros Adopt Strict Raw Diet So Girls Will Bark At Them Too
“And that’s when it clicked — it wasn’t my comments on their bodies that were fucking me over, it was my lack of proper nourishment.”
Frat Brother Wants to Show You Flask of Amontillado
BERKELEY, Calif. – Junior Brock Tresor had borne the thousand injuries of the Sigma Chi dating scene as best he could, but when it at …
Zeus to Punish Greek Life for Hubris
BERKELEY, Calif. — Havoc broke out Saturday as a KA brother unleashed unknowable power upon his peers. “Who hath dared to party-foul Zeus, Ruler of …
OPINION: I Spray-Painted Cop Cars for Black Lives Matter. NOW Will You Fuck Me on my Top Bunk in DKE?
As I researched to educate myself on systemic racism and oppression, I had a revelation: I have been the subject of discrimination by my female …
Frats Expand Racism to Microbiological Aggressions
BERKELEY, Calif. — Theta Chi brother Cameron Awbrey recently unveiled his fraternity’s new policy for addressing the spread of COVID-19. “The tragedy of this pandemic …
Cal Fraternity Brother Unknowingly The Typhoid Mary of HPV
“If I had an STD, I would know it,” said Hawthorne. “It’s not like STDs are some invisible cancer you can accidentally give to other people.”
Berkeley Fraternities As Characters Of “Game Of Thrones”
Without further ado, a masterpiece!