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Posted on May 15, 2023 by: Valmic Mukund

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Tag: Berkeley Fraternities

Posted on April 14, 2022April 14, 2022 by: Maya Howard

Freshman Found Adhered to Floor of Frat House Just Wants to Go Home

BERKELEY, Calif. – Late Sunday afternoon campus officials responded to reports that freshman Cindy Falseton had been inadvertently stuck to the basement floor of the …

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Posted on January 13, 2022 by: Valmic Mukund

Frat Bro’s Wrist Sore After Thunderous Slap From Campus Administration

BERKELEY, Calif. – Sigma Alpha Epsilon recruiter Trey Treyson reported a sore wrist after a slightly-harder-than-usual slap from university administration Friday morning. “Bruh! This is …

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Posted on August 21, 2021October 7, 2021 by: lyamashir01

Cal Greeks Lament Vaccines for Making Frat Parties Safer

Though recent vaccinations have catapulted Southside Berkeley into an era where the phrase “I know a brother” no longer doubles as a form of contact …

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Posted on December 17, 2020September 22, 2021 by: jokimg

Frat Bros Adopt Strict Raw Diet So Girls Will Bark At Them Too

“And that’s when it clicked — it wasn’t my comments on their bodies that were fucking me over, it was my lack of proper nourishment.”

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Posted on November 1, 2020October 7, 2021 by: Shane Pauker

Frat Brother Wants to Show You Flask of Amontillado

BERKELEY, Calif. – Junior Brock Tresor had borne the thousand injuries of the Sigma Chi dating scene as best he could, but when it at …

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Posted on September 17, 2020May 5, 2021 by: Shane Pauker

Zeus to Punish Greek Life for Hubris

BERKELEY, Calif. — Havoc broke out Saturday as a KA brother unleashed unknowable power upon his peers.  “Who hath dared to party-foul Zeus, Ruler of …

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Posted on September 17, 2020April 27, 2023 by: The Free Peach

OPINION: I Spray-Painted Cop Cars for Black Lives Matter. NOW Will You Fuck Me on my Top Bunk in DKE?

As I researched to educate myself on systemic racism and oppression, I had a revelation: I have been the subject of discrimination by my female …

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Posted on August 18, 2020May 5, 2021 by: Shane Pauker

Frats Expand Racism to Microbiological Aggressions

BERKELEY, Calif. — Theta Chi brother Cameron Awbrey recently unveiled his fraternity’s new policy for addressing the spread of COVID-19. “The tragedy of this pandemic …

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Posted on October 30, 2019May 13, 2021 by: Kelsey Ferrell

Cal Fraternity Brother Unknowingly The Typhoid Mary of HPV

“If I had an STD, I would know it,” said Hawthorne. “It’s not like STDs are some invisible cancer you can accidentally give to other people.”

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Posted on March 19, 2019May 12, 2021 by: Sam MacKinnon

Berkeley Fraternities As Characters Of “Game Of Thrones”

Without further ado, a masterpiece!

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