Freshman’s Long-distance Relationship Somehow Already Over

BERKELEY, Calif. A freshman at the University of California, Berkeley, has already terminated his long-distance relationship with a rising high school senior. 

Scott Braverman, an 18-year-old from La Jolla, California, was right at the end of his Golden Bear Orientation when he called it quits on his two-year relationship with Kayla Jenkins. 

“Kayla’s a great girl and all, but I haven’t seen her in a week,” Braverman said. The two had a tearful goodbye in Braverman’s driveway next to the family minivan on August 20th.

According to Braverman, the two have “grown apart” due to the distance and are in “two completely different stages of life.” Jenkins, after all, is a high school volleyball player, while Braverman is simply a player. 

“Things have changed and so have I,” said Braverman, who was recently seen lingering outside the showers in the co-ed dorm bathrooms. 

Jenkins, who received the news over text, hastily deleted her most recent Instagram post a collage of photographs featuring Braverman.

“Distance has nothing on us!” her caption read.

In the past few days, they have both emphatically announced “I’m the happiest I’ve ever been,”  talked about each other to matches on dating apps, and have cried themselves to sleep. 

“I really thought it would work out,” said Jenkin’s best friend, Maya Germaine.

“He never cheated on her and gave a really great promposal with balloons and flowers and everything,” Germaine reported. “It’s shocking really, that he’s throwing it away after all that commitment.”

We reached out to Jenkins for comment, but she’s “focusing on herself!” right now.  Her statement read that she “just got out of a relationship” and “isn’t ready to start DMing someone new.”