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Tag: Kelsey Ferrell

Posted on February 3, 2020February 5, 2020 by: Kelsey Ferrell

Batteries from iClicker Relocated to Vibrator

On Friday, January 31st, UC Berkeley student Dana Howells relocated the batteries from her iClicker 2.0 to her vibrator, a move that has earned her …

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Posted on December 13, 2019May 13, 2021 by: Kelsey Ferrell

Report: Two-Thirds of Roommates Hitting Breaking Point

Two-thirds of all roommates at the University of California, Berkeley, are hitting their breaking point as of this Thursday. 

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Posted on November 20, 2019May 13, 2021 by: Kelsey Ferrell

5 Reasons Why Count Olaf Was a Marxist

Don’t let the capitalist propaganda fool you! Count Olaf was no villain. He was simply a Marxist trying to redistribute capital from a nepotistic family to less fortunate often overlooked communities.

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Posted on November 14, 2019May 13, 2021 by: Kelsey Ferrell

Beauty Routine Includes Wearing a Lanyard Like a Lost Freshman to Stay Youthful

I’ve tried countless anti-aging serums, under-eye creams, and even botox. But nothing has ever made me appear so youthful as wearing a lanyard like a lost Berkeley freshman!

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Posted on November 11, 2019May 13, 2021 by: Kelsey Ferrell

Miracles Happen: Assignment Completed Early

We at The Free Peach would like to mention that these events happened last week, not this week.

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Posted on October 30, 2019May 13, 2021 by: Kelsey Ferrell

Cal Fraternity Brother Unknowingly The Typhoid Mary of HPV

“If I had an STD, I would know it,” said Hawthorne. “It’s not like STDs are some invisible cancer you can accidentally give to other people.”

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Posted on October 17, 2019May 13, 2021 by: Kelsey Ferrell

Was That The Hayward Fault, Or Is Your Roommate Boning Someone In The Top Bunk Again?

Could this be “the Big one”? But then you remembered that your roommate in the top bunk is a total floozy.

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Posted on October 9, 2019May 13, 2021 by: Kelsey Ferrell

Berkeley Goggles Upgraded to Blindfold

As soon as they arrive on campus, Berkeley freshmen adorn their faces with a pair of Berkeley goggles. Berkeley goggles are a visual enhancement feature unique to Cal, designed to elevate the perceived attractiveness of one’s peers.

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Posted on September 30, 2019May 13, 2021 by: Kelsey Ferrell

“I’m Tired of Being Seen For My Tits and Ass!” Local Woman Demands Compliment on Her Left Labia Next Time

Every time I’m with a man, he tells me that he loves playing with my boobs or that my butt is perfect. I’m so tired of not being valued for more. Why can’t they compliment me for my left labia?

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Posted on September 21, 2019May 13, 2021 by: Kelsey Ferrell

We’re Pretty Sure the Football Team Is Doing Well, but None of Our Writers Are Qualified to Write About It

I  know that UC Berkeley has done poorly in football in the past, so this new trend of “winning” is confusing new territory for everybody on staff. 

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