Two-thirds of all roommates at the University of California, Berkeley, are hitting their breaking point as of this Thursday.
5 Reasons Why Count Olaf Was a Marxist
Don’t let the capitalist propaganda fool you! Count Olaf was no villain. He was simply a Marxist trying to redistribute capital from a nepotistic family to less fortunate often overlooked communities.
Beauty Routine Includes Wearing a Lanyard Like a Lost Freshman to Stay Youthful
I’ve tried countless anti-aging serums, under-eye creams, and even botox. But nothing has ever made me appear so youthful as wearing a lanyard like a lost Berkeley freshman!
Miracles Happen: Assignment Completed Early
We at The Free Peach would like to mention that these events happened last week, not this week.
Cal Fraternity Brother Unknowingly The Typhoid Mary of HPV
“If I had an STD, I would know it,” said Hawthorne. “It’s not like STDs are some invisible cancer you can accidentally give to other people.”
Was That The Hayward Fault, Or Is Your Roommate Boning Someone In The Top Bunk Again?
Could this be “the Big one”? But then you remembered that your roommate in the top bunk is a total floozy.
Berkeley Goggles Upgraded to Blindfold
As soon as they arrive on campus, Berkeley freshmen adorn their faces with a pair of Berkeley goggles. Berkeley goggles are a visual enhancement feature unique to Cal, designed to elevate the perceived attractiveness of one’s peers.
“I’m Tired of Being Seen For My Tits and Ass!” Local Woman Demands Compliment on Her Left Labia Next Time
Every time I’m with a man, he tells me that he loves playing with my boobs or that my butt is perfect. I’m so tired of not being valued for more. Why can’t they compliment me for my left labia?
We’re Pretty Sure the Football Team Is Doing Well, but None of Our Writers Are Qualified to Write About It
I know that UC Berkeley has done poorly in football in the past, so this new trend of “winning” is confusing new territory for everybody on staff.
First Straws, Now Juuls – What’s Left to Suck On?
Straws revolutionized the way that people experienced drinking, and soon we couldn’t get enough of the sensation. We suck on straws, cigarettes, dicks, lollipops, and whatever else we can.