RICHMOND, Virginia — In keeping with their violent yet liberal spirit, an ANTIFA couple recently announced their intention to hold a gender reveal party at a Confederate monument.
“We understand that when having a baby it is incredibly important to announce its sex to the world with a minimum of 4 barrels of TNT, a strip of C4, and fireworks. If we don’t do this how will everyone know the gender of our child?” explained Vanessa Cartwagon while hurling a molotov cocktail at a parked police car. “Since massive property damage is an essential component of a good gender reveal party, my husband and I decided that we should host one next to the absolutely disgusting monument to Robert E. Lee in the park nearby our house. Sending the monument back to hell while informing our friends and relatives if our future child is a boy or girl is the perfect way to signal to them that we are going to be responsible, loving parents.”
A member of Vanessa’s family is a little concerned about her decision.
“As much as I want the monument to be taken down, is blowing it up while revealing if she is having a boy or girl really necessary?” asked Jaime, Vanessa’s brother. “Like, I want to make sure it is clear that I absolutely despise the fact that our government hasn’t been able to get its act together to take down the monument, but is it really safe for Vanessa to be so close to explosions while she’s pregnant? I’d say something, but any time I tell her an opinion that is conflicting with one of her own, the conversation always ends with her calling me a Trump-enabling fascist. Don’t tell her this, but I’ve always wanted a nephew, so if I survive the party I hope the C4 explosion is blue.”