SILVER LAKE, Calif. – Senior English major Jennifer Brooks experienced ennui due to a sudden lack of ennui upon returning to her ancestral home for winter break.

“I can’t work like this,” reported Brooks. “They won’t get off my back. Every day it’s ‘How are you honey?’ and ‘Do you want some Totino’s Pizza Rolls™ while you study?’ Uh, no, Mom, I don’t. I want to be in Berkeley writing the Great American Reductress Article. My parents always tell me they’ll support me in whatever career makes me happy, but how the fuck am I supposed to have a traumatic upbringing like that? At this rate I’m just gonna end up settling down in a mid-range apartment with a caring partner and supportive friends like some loser.”

Jennifer’s family is unsure how they can help her during these trying times of helpfulness.

“I just want to give her the things I never had,” mourned Jennifer’s mom, Helen. “I bust my hump to put Totino’s Pizza Rolls™ on the table, to pay for her tuition, to fill her Juul. I give her space, but just the right amount so that it’s freeing but not neglectful. I even cut her Pizza Rolls™ in half so that they can cool down before she eats them and not burn her mouth, since I know that the wrath of a hot Pizza Roll™ is only rivaled by that of an Old-Testament God. I don’t know what I can do better for her.”

Some neighbors have questioned Jennifer’s response to the return.

“She thinks she’s got it tough?” griped Sal, a 14” meat-lover’s pizza from Panucci’s Italian Restaurant. “I’ve got a dozen little Pizza Rolls™ runnin’ around to support! This Jen gal thinks she’s all that, never gonna amount to nothin’ ‘cause she can’t write a New Yorker short story, never having worked a nine-to-five in her life. Meanwhile, I’m out here getting eaten alive by the boss every day tryna make ends meet. You think my oldest Pizza Roll™ son is gonna get to go to Pizza State without a football scholarship? Forget about it!”

At press time, Jennifer’s dad was making a big pitcher of margaritas and a plate of Bagel Bites™ for a “fun, family Thursday board game night.”

Disclaimer: The Free Peach is not sponsored by Totino’s Pizza Rolls, but we sure would like to be. Please email us, Totino’s! 

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