BERKELEY, Calif. — Following recent admissions, Berkeley’s mechanical engineering student body remains overwhelmingly — nearly 80% — male.
“Despite our best efforts, the gender ratio in mechanical engineering is abysmal,” reported Department Head Michael Jacobian. “We’ve tried injection molding, CNC machining, and even 3D printing to help balance things out. Hell, we’ve even run simulations, but none of our FEM integration techniques have actually helped the femme integration of the student body. The few women we do have in the department haven’t been helpful either! Every suggestion they give me is impossible to implement, since they get drowned out by me talking over them!”
Women in the department have weighed pros and cons to their education during the remote semesters.
“I don’t even turn my Zoom camera on anymore,” explained junior Karina Parks. “Half the time I honestly don’t know if my classmates are trying to cheat off my paper or stare down my shirt, so I’m fine without them looking at me any more than they already do. Hell, they know I’m a better engineer than them because they only see me as an equal despite being a woman. At least studying from home, I don’t have to wait for the one and only women’s restroom stall in Hesse to open up before crying between classes.”
Male students in the department seem less fazed by the disparity.
“I don’t see what the big deal is,” dismissed senior Matthew Bell. “Anyone can be a good engineer as long as they’re good at calculus, bad at basic addition, and willing to use Arduino to violate each other’s fundamental rights. Men, women, children, soldiers — frankly, I don’t care who’s in the department. At the end of the day, we’re all targets for the drone I designed during my internship anyway.”
At press time, members of the department were seen begrudgingly trading their souls to MathWorks, the Makers of MATLAB and Simulink softwares.
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