Congratulations! After wanting to donate to the Big Give for months — no, years — you finally did.  If you feel lost and confused, don’t worry. It is natural to be a little puzzled now that you’ve completed your lifelong goal of giving to the Big Give. Since it may be hard to figure out what to do with the rest of your existence,  here are 10 suggestions for what your next big cause can be. 

  1. Order a beer at the Taco Bell Cantina. If you actually deliberately gave money to the Big Give you’re definitely a high roller. You just gave to charity and deserve a treat. Flex with the most overpriced beer in the Bay. 
  2. If you’re a student, hire a financial advisor. If you already are paying tuition and still decided to donate to the Big Give you clearly are completely and utterly reckless with your money. There is no better way to become more fiscally responsible with your money than spending it on asking someone for advice on how to spend it.
  3. Pay for Lil Nas X’s next music video. Montero was epic but definitely cost a ton of money. He is going to be broke after the Nike case and could use some help.
  4. Fund a cause supported by the student body. Berkeley is a diverse place (at least that’s what the university says) full of different opinions. It may be challenging to think of a cause that the entire student body believes in. In fact there is only one thing that every single Berkeley student unanimously supports: stopping any emails that mention the Big Give from being sent to them. The students understand why the school wants donations, but emailing the students to give more is a slap in their faces.
  5. Use your leverage as a donor to get your child into Cal. Wait, that’s for Stanford. Sorry, I mean USC. Whoops. 
  6. Hit someone you don’t like with your car. You did a good deed. It probably cancels out. 
  7. Give a couple million more and get a building named after yourself. While the building will probably have its name changed after you die because odds are if you want a building named after you you are extremely racist, it may be nice to have a building named after you before your legacy is tarnished. Everyone will dislike you in a hundred years when it is brought to their attention that you were a piece of shit, but for a few decades people will be like “Wow, I can’t wait to get out of my class at XYZ Hall and go smoke on the glade.” Also, the Salesforce Tower has a lame name. You could do better. 
  8. Be a sugar daddy. You helped a large institution, now maybe you should help people at the individual level. Plus you give to charity. That’s fucking hot.
  9. Tell everyone you gave to the Big Give. What’s the point of philanthropy if everyone doesn’t know you are philanthropic? 
  10. Save up for the Big Give again. Luckily for you, the Big Give happens every year and you can give and give and give until Berkeley can afford to have two sections of art and creative writing classes.

Leave a Reply

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.