1. The Candy? Hole in the Bathroom of Morrison Library
There’s this weird hole in the wall between two bathroom stalls in Morrison Library, and I’m not really sure what it’s for. Its size is about the diameter of a large sausage and the edges are wrapped in black tape, probably to reduce chaffing when people are trying to hand each other pieces of candy through the hole while they’re using the bathroom. At least, that’s what I think it’s for. I mean, that’s why it tastes sweet, right?
2. A Squirrel on Campus
Now this one is a big if. It’s IF you’re fast enough to catch one. It’s IF that little pesky squirrel doesn’t jump out of your hands at the last second. And it’s IF you’re able to post bail after being arrested by campus police for harassing the wildlife and disturbing the peace.
3. The 4.0 Seal
Let’s face it. You’re not getting a 4.0 anyways. Plus, we’re not even sure that licking the 4.0 Seal would give you the same GPA curse as stepping on it does. In fact, we don’t know what it would do. With how hard your classes have been recently, though, any random consequence of licking the 4.0 Seal is probably better than nothing at all. Also, since everyone avoids stepping on it, it’s probably pretty clean anyway.
4. The 51B
This next-gen transportation device is a godsend to those of us without cars, which is basically all of us because God knows how I’ll afford a parking spot in Berkeley now that I’ve already exchanged one kidney for my one-year lease in a double. What better way to show our appreciation for what is Berkeley’s equivalence of the Millenium Falcon than to give it a solid lick.
5. Oski
This one is just a case of getting him before he gets you. If you lick Oski first, he’ll just be super confused, because isn’t he supposed to be the creepy one?? Checkmate, Oski.