In the middle of a long tangent that for some reason isn’t on the slides but feels important enough to pay attention to, your professor just mentioned that his kid is really interested in this topic. 

Ew. What? 

He’s definitely trying to humblebrag about the fact that he’s had sex before, which is super off-putting. Why else would anyone think to mention their child — a byproduct of sexual interaction —  in the middle of a sociology lecture? Who is he trying to impress? Probably not you, but there’s always a chance he has a breeding kink and is trying to gauge the fertility of the crowd. It’s not weird that you’re thinking about this, by the way. Something more inappropriate than thinking about sex during lecture is having the gall to mention a sex-adjacent topic during lecture. 

Okay, where were you? Sociology lecture. Some girl behind you has her hand up and wants to see a picture of the kid, which is even weirder. And yet he obliges! There isn’t any excuse for this flagrant display of promiscuity aside from that he wants the whole world to know that he has had sex and that he’s in a relationship and probably has a house or an apartment. He probably has a line of credit, too, by the way. You don’t have a line of credit OR a kid OR a relationship. That’s fine, though. It just seems like he’s rubbing it in your face a little bit that he has all these things and on top of that he definitely has gotten laid once or twice or more.

He likely has a steady source of income, too. Maybe you should pursue academia… would that be crazy? Maybe you could become a doctor and come back one day and rub it in his little face that you ALSO have a line of credit and a steady source of income and that you gracefully chose not to have a child because it would be insensitive to talk about with patients. 

Who are you kidding? Maybe you will have a kid. Your kid will maybe even be smarter than his kid, and maybe it will be more interested in the topic of sociology than his kid. 

Whatever. This professor, who, by the way, has a bicep tattoo (he fucks fucks), can brag all he wants about his perfect life. You get fucked too. He’s not that special.

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