BERKELEY, Calif. – In a stunning defense of real science, Berkeley Economics Major Bartholemew Madoff announced his disdain for astrology as a ‘completely made-up load of bullshit.’ The remarks were made during his Econ 1 discussion, in which he learned a number of simple, elegant economics models that only work in theory.

“The whole idea of astrology is stupid,” Madoff mused. “It tries to predict the actions and preferences of infinitely complex people using information that has little to no evidence of accurately reflecting the world we live in! Thanks, but no thanks – I’ll stick to the real science: classical economics.”

Madoff then returned to his homework, utilizing an indifference curve and budget line to compare the value of apples versus oranges. Economics professor Reese Eshn then proceeded to defend his area of expertise as a legitimate and essential study.

“Economics is a precise, predictive science! It uses exorbitantly simplistic models written by white men in the 1920s and sometimes real data to make accurate predictions about the world around us. The models are only occasionally wrong on the off-chance we forgot to account for some real-world idea we don’t understand,” said Eshn, whose indignant tone must mean he understands every real-world idea.

Madoff then backed up his professor, hoping to earn some name recognition come grading season.

“I use these models all the time! For example, according to the demand curve, the more available I make my presence, the less demand there should be for it,” Madoff argued. “Because I spend so much time on campus (excess supply), I know exactly why people don’t like spending time with me! It’s not because I’m ‘excruciatingly difficult to hold a conversation with’ or that I ‘smell exactly like old mayonnaise’, it’s just simple economics!”

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