Getting their tennis racquet restrung.
Cut DKE Some Slack. I Fucked A Goat and it Wasn’t That Bad (by George Clooney)
And it is due to that experience that I can no longer sit idly by as brothers of the Delta Kappa Epsilon Fraternity are stigmatized for their alleged goat-based paraphilia.
Youngest Class Ever?: Meet UC Berkeley’s Class of 2023
The first wave of UC Berkeley’s class of 2023 has arrived! Apparently, these are some of the best applicants ever. We at The Free Peach did a little bit of investigating to figure out who exactly these new students are
UC Berkeley Encourages Turning Point USA To Protest at a School They Could Actually Get Into
So, in compliance with UC Berkeley’s new policy, Turning Point USA has been promptly booted from campus.* Unfortunately, they have sworn they will return, and they have started looking into SAT prep classes. However, to cover their bases, they should probably learn how to read first.
Diversity Win: Josh Has a Thing for ‘Exotic’ Women
What a day for civil rights! Students and faculty at the University of California, Berkeley were thrilled to see that the spirit of social activism is alive and well at the home of the Free Speech Movement, as Cal student Josh Thompson revealed last Thursday that he “has a thing for ‘exotic’ women.”
Nobel Laureate Ghost Pledging [Redacted]
If a rule is broken in a fraternity and it doesn’t cause national outrage, is it really broken at all?
10 Best Places On Campus To Find Out You’ve Got Chlamydia
Seeing as your unscrupulous urinary tract saw some prodding recently, we’ve aggregated a list of the best places to find out that your Tang Center-sponsored STD test came back 100% positive for Chlamydia. Clap Clap.
Lucky Us: We Got Our Hands On A Media Studies Problem Set!
Lucky, lucky us! It’s not every day you get to see such a difficult and time-consuming piece of work.
4 Sex Positions to Try Before You Find Out He’s Republican
Here are four sex positions to make you feel fleetingly alive before your life-force is eradicated by the realization that you boinked someone who voted third-party “on principle”!
Breaking: Rhetoric 103B Professor Masks Valentine’s Day Loneliness with Marxist Gusto
PSA: After the first few weeks of class, a number of seats have opened up! It’s not too late to sign up for Rhetoric 103B and be even closer to that coveted humanities degree that employers are dying to see!