ASUC election season is officially here, so it’s time for everyone to gird their loins for the next two months. However, with so many candidates effectively running with the same platforms (or in the case of AAVP, literally the same platforms, hmmmmm), it’s hard to know who to vote for. That’s why we here at The Free Peach have done an exhaustive and thorough review of some Student Action’s executive candidates. And by exhaustive and thorough, we mean probably a better and more neutral review than The Daily Cal, who still treat Student Action like the party they were in 1998 even though Student Action is running one of the most diverse slates of candidates and execs. Well, anyway, here we go!
With our first candidate is already off to a great start as her name is a palindrome. We love palindromes. Other than that, her shirt is giving us fun step-mom on vacation in Scottsdale, in the best way. She really looks like she’s living it up at the Hyatt Regency, where the margaritas flow like the rivers of the valley, and the rewards points are ample.
First of all, props for having two A’s at the beginning of both the position and the candidate. Otherwise, the striped shirt is giving us some serious Ravenclaw vibes. But like, Ravenclaw on a boat. Which reminds us, did you see the thing about how JK Rowling said that before bathrooms, Hogwarts students used to vanish their poops away? We didn’t even make that up. Crazy, right?
Honestly, we have no gauge on how tall this guy is. You could say he’s 6’8” or 5’4” and we’d probably believe you. Even in the group shot, no clue. Short guys with something to hide on tinder, take note. Also, we get the feeling that like this guy has very specific and kinda weird workouts. Like somehow there’s a medicine ball and a small trampoline involved, or maybe nothing but kettlebells.
Well, that’s our comprehensive review. If you don’t agree with our assessment, we guess you could actually read into the candidate’s platforms, but that seems like overkill. Be sure to check out our other article where we give Cal Serve’s executive slate the same thorough coverage.