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To Those Ordering a ‘Flat White’ at Yali’s: I Am NOT on the Menu

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Tag: Ethan Schlatter

Posted on April 12, 2019May 13, 2021 by: Ethan Schlatter

The Definitive Ranking of Taylor Swift Albums, Which Yes, I Can Still Listen To and Be Woke. Get Off My Back.

Don’t you fucking judge me, okay? Look, I’m like super woke. I went to the women’s march.

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Posted on March 15, 2019May 13, 2021 by: Ethan Schlatter

Newly #Woke Cal Freshman Has 18 Years Of White Guilt To Catch Up On

“Seriously, it’s so crazy. Did you know that America… is racist?”

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Posted on March 7, 2019May 13, 2021 by: Ethan Schlatter

Reviewing Student Action’s Executive Slate Based Only on their Photos

If you don’t agree with our assessment, we guess you could actually read into the candidate’s platforms, but that seems like overkill.

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Posted on March 7, 2019May 13, 2021 by: Ethan Schlatter

Reviewing Cal SERVE’s Executive Slate Based Only on their Photos

And by exhaustive and thorough, we mean we looked at their announcement photos and made up some shit that feels accurate.

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Posted on February 27, 2019May 13, 2021 by: Ethan Schlatter

UC Berkeley Encourages Turning Point USA To Protest at a School They Could Actually Get Into

So, in compliance with UC Berkeley’s new policy, Turning Point USA has been promptly booted from campus.* Unfortunately, they have sworn they will return, and they have started looking into SAT prep classes. However, to cover their bases, they should probably learn how to read first.

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Posted on February 6, 2019May 13, 2021 by: Ethan Schlatter

Berkeley Consulting Club Founded To Consult Other Berkeley Consulting Clubs

Berkeley Consulting Club Comprehensively Consulting Confused Consulting Clubs (BCCCCCCC) or (BC7) founded this year by a group of 12 “pre-Haas” majors, is already one of the top clubs on campus.

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