BERKELEY, Calif.–– On Saturday, April 4th, inside sources leaked the plans of a partnership between Yogurt Park and the vape company, Geek Bar. Offering the …
Berkeley Drops WARNME for Ditto
SAN FRANCISCO BAY, Calif — On a rather chilling evening, to the dismay of all of Berkeley, a tragedy struck once again: Ditto.AI was planning …
UC Berkeley Celebrates Ranking over UCLA in the Epstein Files
BERKELEY, Calif – Upon the release of millions of files related to the ongoing investigation into billionaire and convicted sex-trafficker Jeffery Epstein’s estate, members of …
Campanile Sagging Totally Normal in Old Age
BERKELEY, Calif — Following another disappointing night, the Campanile is coming to terms with it no longer being as erect as it used to be. …
Berkeley Bowl Opens Dispensary so Customers Can Finally Face the Parking Lot
BERKELEY, Calif.— In a move that has shocked exactly no one, Berkeley Bowl has announced the grand opening of its long-awaited adjunct dispensary, featuring over …
President Trump Investigates UC Berkeley, Cites “it just feels gay”
WASHINGTON, D.C. — At the recent TPUSA Stand Up Show-Charlie Kirk memorial hybrid, President Trump announced a list of schools he plans to target next, …
Haas Student Uses Chat GPT to Answer Trick or Treat
[THE 4TH CIRCLE OF HELL, BERKELEY Calif] – Passerbys were stunned earlier today as Haas freshman James “Money Man” Niani stood motionless outside a stunning …
“Let’s Do an SF Halloween Bar Crawl!” and 10 Other Plans that Won’t Make it out of the Group Chat
BERKELEY, Calif. – In a once-thriving, high BAC fueled economy, Halloween was the pinnacle of profit among bartenders and club managers in San Francisco. However, …
Loser Freshman Still Doesn’t Have Date for Homecoming
BERKELEY, Calif.– While the brothers at AEPi are getting moms drunk at seven A.M. this morning, mega loser freshman Tommy Tinklepants woke up to the …
Project Partner Sends When2Meet to Decide When to Send the When2Meet
BERKELEY, Calif. – In a thrilling display of productivity fit for an unpaid internship at Tesla, sophomore Nein Tofive sent his unsuspecting CS project partner …