BERKELEY, Calif. – According to sources on the Free Peach, accomplished and popular writer Tom Wickline has his schedule open all day this Saturday. This …
College of Engineering Diversity Advert Shows Same Woman 6 Times in Different Costumes
BERKELEY, Calif. — UC Berkeley’s College of Engineering garnered criticism this week upon the release of a diversity pamphlet featuring only one woman, albeit in …
Fuck, There Went All Our “We Lost” Jokes
STANFORD, Calif.- Despite the best efforts of the Stanford Football Team and COVID-19, somehow the Bears clutched a narrow 41-11 victory this weekend. “I just …
“Strong” Armed Robber Can’t Even Open Taco Bell Cantina Door
BERKELEY, Calif. — Notorious strong-armed robber Burlap Sachs was arrested this evening while struggling to open the door to the Taco Bell Cantina on Durant …
OPINION: Moffitt Seismic Upgrade to Accommodate the Tremors of My Thicc Ass
Recently, university staff have announced that Moffitt, the beloved school library and best place for crying before finals, will be closed for the Spring 2022 …
‘I’m Giving Giving Tree,’ Says the Giving Tree Who’s a Tree That’s Giving, Giving Tree, Giving Giving, Giving Giving Tree, and Also Giving Giving Giving Tree
BERKELEY, Calif. — Authorities at UC Berkeley distributed reports this past Sunday of a tree that was reportedly a giving tree who was a tree …
How to Tell Your White Roommates Gilmore Girls Is Just Okay
BERKELEY, Calif. — Sophomore Anika Khan watched Gilmore Girls for the first time this past month after her roommates insisted it was a classic. “How …
Carol Christ Spotted on Sproul With Pete Davidson
BERKELEY, Calif. – Sources confirmed Friday that Chancellor Carol Christ was spotted on Sproul Plaza holding hands with New York City native Pete Davidson. “They …
Alarming Number of Students Robbed by Someone Other Than Financial Aid Office
BERKELEY, Calif. – Students and faculty alike were shocked last week as students were bombarded with several UCPD alerts detailing armed robberies and grand-theft gasoline. …
Rodgers’ Legacy Almost Complete: QB Throws Tantrums, Misinformation, but No Complete Passes
BERKELEY, Calif. — In a recent publicity stunt, infamous Cal quarterback Chase Garbers, came searingly close to mimicking Cal football alum (’04) and Greenbay Packers …