AMERICA – Following numerous events and incidents, people across the nation this week are collectively asking: “does anyone know what to do?” “I honestly have …
Opinion: Maybe It Really Was That Damn Phone
There I was, ready to write my next Peach article. Peak comedy, you might say. Laptop charged, iced coffee in hand, indie rock blaring. As …
JD Vance Honors American State Department By Killing Democratically Elected Foreign Leader
VATICAN CITY — Pope Francis tragically passed away earlier on Monday, but not before enduring an unbearable, thirty-minute meeting with National Backup Dancer and altar-boy-who-missed-his-cue, …
Students at Cal Experience Unprecedented Situation At Every Event Ever
BERKELEY, Calif.– On a Sweltering Tuesday evening on the first Sunday of April 20th, students at Cal buzzing after a local figure who had a …
Investigative: Study Finds if Your Edible Hasn’t Hit, You Should Take 2 to 3 More
BERKELEY, Calif.- A groundbreaking new study from the UC Berkeley Institute for Delayed Consequences and Medicinal Misinformation has confirmed what thousands of college students and …
BREAKING: You Coughed. Everyone Noticed. They’re Talking About It.
TOKELAND, Calif. — The blunt had barely kissed his lips when freshman Jimmy Pendrix took one hit, exhaled, and immediately let out a ruptured-lung cough …
Scientists Discover New Sativa Strain to Help Man Remember Every Mistake Since 2008
BERKELEY, Calif.– Scientists at Berkeley’s premier cannabis research institute, the Rausser College of Natural Resources, have successfully developed a new sativa strain that forces users …
Something Wrong? Call Anh Bong
BONG LAW OFFICES, LLP – Operating out of an abandoned dispensary across from People’s Park, Bong Law Offices LLP has experienced an influx of clients …
Glade at Capacity: ‘IF YOU DON’T HAVE A BID YOU’RE NOT GETTING IN’
THE RESTING SPOT OF THE MASSES – CA At 4:20 AM, a wave of shock rattled the Berkeley community as the glade reached full capacity. …
Top Dog Bravely Speaks Their Truth: “I’m a Bottom”
BERKELEY, Calif. – After suffering years of abuse from Tap Haus patrons slamming sauerkraut and hotlinks down their gullets, Top Dog announced he had enough. …