“We had heard accounts of Carly Rae Jepsen music traveling up from deep underground, but brushed them off as hallucinations that everybody’s subconscious experiences at one point or another.”
Guy in Philosophy Class Really Interested in the Morality of Incest For Some Reason
*Below is a retelling of a zoom recording that was sent to us through our anonymous tip line* “Hey uh… Professor? Sorry to interrupt, but …
Frats to Supply Bids for Women’s History Month Celebration
“We at Sigma Alpha Epsilon absolutely love women,” stated brother Luka Dobbs. “We even have a cup formation in beer pong in their honor: ‘tight pussy’– you’re welcome, ladies.”
No Thanks! I Would Actually Prefer To Be Waterboarded: 6 Ways To Politely Decline Another Fucking Invitation To Hike The Fire Trails
We’ve all been there: A friend, or perhaps an eager Tinder match, invites you to spend time walking around the Berkeley Fire trails as if …
CalCentral Down to Fuck From 3:00 AM to 6:00 AM PST
Berkeleytime has also expressed interest in CalCentral, but it has reported that it doesn’t plan on replying to their ad until at least ten minutes after three.
Tang Center Free Zoom Therapy Session Just Link To Equally Helpful Youtube Fail Compilation
After a litany of complaints about the quality of such services (both in-person and online), Tang has made a bold, yet strangely fitting decision: in lieu of the three-time free thirty minute sessions offered to students, Tang has attached a link to a twenty-two minute America’s Funniest Home Videos Compilation.
How to Outdoor-Cafe-Eye-Fuck Your Way Through a Pandemic, You Horny, Deprived Motherfucker
Since the start of this pandemic (or should I say, pandemi–cock-block), our collective capacity for lusting, thrusting, and jammin’ the clam has… well, plummeted. We pitiful, possibly fertile sex-machines are horny as fuck. But rest assured.
This Year’s Big Give Apparently Includes My Ex Giving My Best Friend Chlamydia
BERKELEY, Calif — Berkeley’s annual Big Give fundraiser, it seems, has extended its generosity to include donation of STIs to everybody in my friend group …
Campanile Bells Replaced By Southside Garbage Trucks Because They are Louder and Also Make Noise Every Day
“After realizing that the Southside garbage trucks come seven days a week, and are far louder and more disruptive than the Campanile’s bells, we have decided to use them instead from now on.”
In Recognition of Midterm Season, Accommodating Professor Eliminates Recorded Song/Dance Component Of Mandatory Four Thousand Word Discussion Post
“Any other questions can be answered in my syllabus on my wife’s cousin’s website, in the ‘Extra Supplemental Materials’ folder on bCourses, or in a little treasure box buried in my backyard if you fuckers can find it.”