BERKELEY, Calif. – In an unprecedented gesture of grace and goodwill, tenured English 119 professor Joseph Kulp announced Wednesday that, in light of midterm season, he would be lightening his class workload considerably (but only for this week!).
Kulp, via the mandatory class-wide Discord channel, wrote that he “understands the stress and pressure everyone is facing, especially during the pandemic,” and that, for this reason, he would “try and alleviate stress this week by allowing everyone a break from the musical component of our discussion post. Of course, I would like it if you put a little more effort into your post, seeing as you aren’t being forced to record yourself doing a little jig and reading-themed jingle this week as you are normally. This being said, I would still like it if you did record yourself singing and dancing, it’s just not required. But I would like to see some effort and would appreciate those who put in the time to do the dance.”
Students in 119 appeared to be grateful for the brief break, many responding: “Thanks Professor! Really needed this :)” However, some students appeared mildly confused, reporting “Wait…So do you want us to do the song and dance or not? You still want us to write the entire four thousand words?” The answer to which Kulp announced via bCourses announcement on Thursday, stating: “Some people on Discord are confused about the discussion post requirements. Yes, you are still students of this class. Yes, you still must put in the effort that I ask of you (only four thousand words via discussion post a week plus a little fun song and dance if you want credit). Any other questions can be answered in my syllabus on my wife’s cousin’s website, in the ‘Extra Supplemental Materials’ folder on bCourses, or in a little treasure box buried in my backyard if you fuckers can find it.”
Students in the class have declined comment, stating that that they didn’t have time to give an interview because they were too busy writing their discussion post and doing the stupid little jig for partial credit.