Valentine’s Day is here, and all over UC Berkeley love is in the air, which is a refreshing change of pace from the smoke or the lingering sensation that you’re not good enough. However, while some are excited to celebrate, others are less than thrilled. No, we’re not talking about single people, those sad fucks get enough press. Rather, we’re talking about those souls in months-long “situationships” that have yet to define their relationship. We here at The Free Peach spoke with two of these individuals.

Steven and Lexi are planning on celebrating their first Valentine’s day after having met last June. However, despite the fact that they have been hooking up consistently for eight friggin months, the pair has not yet defined their relationship. We asked Steven about his thoughts about the situationship.

“I mean, we’re just keeping it casual,” reported the both emotionally over-attached yet emotionally-unavailable third-year. “I mean like sure, I haven’t really hooked up with anyone else since we first met, and sure she spends 5 nights a week at my apartment, and sure she has met and become close with literally all of my friends which will create an awkward rift in our group that will probably never be filled if she ever leaves, but I swear it’s just casual.”

Seemingly, Lexi agreed.

“Oh my god, yes it’s no big deal,” stated Lexi. “I mean, sure, sometimes he sends me a text with something cryptic like ‘literally cannot stop thinking about you’ or ‘Hey, I think I left my jacket at your place,’ but I don’t like, overanalyze it obsessively for hours or anything.”

We then asked the “couple,” for lack of a better term, what their plans were for Valentine’s Day.

“Oh, plans for Valentine’s? We might hang out or something. It just, we’re both so busy,” reported Lexi, who has reportedly been so busy for the past eight fucking months. “I mean, like, the whole going on a fancy date thing is so overrated. Who wants to do all of that?”

However, reports did, in fact, show that Lexi does want to do all of that. All of it, goddamnit. Upon asking Steven about his plans for the big day, his concerns were elsewhere.

“Do I post a photo on Instagram of us together? Like, she’s been on it before. Well, only in groups of four or more. I mean I could just post a photo of us together, and just not say anything, but that seems like a really big step. I mean, it’s just eight months?”

While the pair may seem a little lost right now, we here at the Free Peach are sure that they’ll figure it out eventually. Or in a couple of months, they might get a little too drunk, have an easily resolvable argument, and then just never fucking talking to each other again.

Happy Valentine’s Day!

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