“Oh boohoo, the ruler of Mordor is now looking at everything I do,” sarcastically exclaimed sophomore Derrick Quincy. “My TikTok For You Page is clearly based on things I say out loud, and Bcourses can monitor how much time I spend on their website. I clearly don’t have any privacy, why should I care if Sauron is looking at me too? At least he’s upfront and honest about it, unlike everyone else.”
Campus Libraries Ranked by How Cool Their New Vermin Overlords Are
Louie, the snake who does coke, lives here. I think he may have worked the desk pre-Covid? Anyway, he’s a slippery, legless asshole but he did invite me to his family’s lake house that one time.
Fire on Frat Row: Six Injured After Refusing to Stop, Drop, and Roll on the Sticky, Beer-drenched Floor
“This girl, Becky. Her leggings were on fire. I yelled at her to stop, drop, and roll, but she just turned around calmly and told me, ‘Oh my god… no… you want me?… to roll?… on that disgusting floor?’”
Cal Football Announces 2021 Giveaways
BERKELEY, Calif. — With hopes of having Fall 2021 games be attended in-person, Cal football has announced its giveaway lineup. This upcoming season’s giveaways include …
Study Shows 60% of Your Friends Went Skiing During a Pandemic
“At the current rate, we expect skiing videos to take up a startling 92% of Instagram stories by 2022.”
Uh Oh! Groundhog’s Shadow Blocked By His Gargantuan, Horse Cock Penis
His only response was, with a quick glance up and down and a cheeky lip bite, “If you show me your shadow, I’ll show you mine. Ahaha aha.”