MINSK, Belarus — Representatives from the Belarusian capital have reacted to the Russian invasion of Ukraine, which somehow just now heard of.
“Putin? As in Vlad? Are you sure? I don’t think so! He always trusted MY geopolitical boundaries and has never invaded me,” said Belarusian president Alexander Lukashenko in an official video statement. “Did you hear that from Poland? Yeah Poland can be overdramatic sometimes.”
Despite having access to detailed accounts and imagery from the invasion, the official government stance remained unchanged.
“I mean, well, what did they expect?” Prime Minister Roman Golovchenko remarked while shutting an iron curtain in his office to block views of protestors. “Didn’t you see Ukraine just flaunting off to NATO? They were practically asking for it and Putin’s just been through a lot like with the dissolution of his favorite KGB poison.”
Golovchenko proceeded to defend Putin.
“It’s not like he should be canceled just for committing a silly war crime, in fact, he’s the real victim here – people should be able to learn from their mistakes”
The executive branch declined to comment further after learning the invasion started three weeks ago.
Image courtesy of Wikipedia.