SAN FRANCISCO BAY, Calif — On a rather chilling evening, to the dismay of all of Berkeley, a tragedy struck once again: Ditto.AI was planning …
REPORT: Revolution Delayed by Berkeley Time
We regret to announce that the long-awaited revolution is going to be a little late – ten minutes late, in fact. Or maybe twelve. Sorry, …
Rich Lyons FRAMEMOGGED by JESTERGOONING Cal Frat Leader
Following a serious altercation between protesting students and campus security, Rich Lyons was spotted walk-maxxing with females by SAE when he was brutally framemogged by …
President Trump on Heated Rivalry: “Frankly, it’s Very Big”
WASHINGTON, D.C.– After a stressful day of prompting AI to make racist videos for social media, Epstein associate Donald Trump held a brief press conference …
UC Berkeley Announces New Technical DJ Program
BERKELEY, Calif. – Last Thursday, UC Berkeley students were surprised when school administrators announced the new research program (Undergraduate Educational Dance Music, “UEDM”) dedicated to …
UC Berkeley Manages to Outdo Utah Valley University
BERKELEY, Calif – Following TPUSA’s penultimate event on the Berkeley campus, tensions remain at an all time high as peaceful protests quickly devolved into what …
Loser Freshman Still Doesn’t Have Date for Homecoming
BERKELEY, Calif.– While the brothers at AEPi are getting moms drunk at seven A.M. this morning, mega loser freshman Tommy Tinklepants woke up to the …
BREAKING: Monday Class to Start with Midterm
BERKELEY, Calif. – Due to totally foreseeable and controllable circumstances, many Monday classes are accommodating the two weeks worth of missed classes by having students …
Graduating Rausser Student Tosses Out Confetti Alongside All Principles
BERKELEY, Calif. — After four hard years of studying the environment and why it is important to protect, graduating Rausser student Talullah Messmacher commemorated her …
Pope Leo XIV to Install St. Peter’s Basilica’s First McDonald’s
VATICAN CITY — Pope Leo XIV made his debut as the world’s first American pope, promising to demonstrate his dedication to the Catholic faith as …