WASHINGTON, D.C. – After serving a minuscule 31 years in the U.S. Senate, Dianne Feinstein has announced she plans to continue blocking any progress on …
Foreign Language Professor Will Feel My Wrath as Soon as I Get Vocab and Grammar Down
BERKELEY, Calif.– Japanese professor Manko Wareme was in for a shock Monday, after coming back from the weekend to an irate yet incoherent, poorly-structured, and …
‘Business Business Business,’ Says Wall Street Journal About Something, Probably
NEW YORK CITY – After a series of major shocks involving stocks and banks, financial news outlets are declaring that things have happened with money …
OPINION: Climate Change is Good and Prevents My Seasonal Depression
Every summer for the past few years I have heard the all too familiar phrase: “This summer was the hottest summer on record.” As summers …
New Telegraph Establishment to Sell Experimental Drink ‘Boba’
Berkeley, Calif. –– Telegraph Avenue is no stranger to a continuous turnover of culinary businesses trying to balance extravagant commercial rent and an irritating, bookwormy …
To Those Ordering a ‘Flat White’ at Yali’s: I Am NOT on the Menu
Just as the Campanile bells toll for the start of the hour, caffeine-deprived students far and wide rush to my place of work, the last-standing …
UC Berkeley #1 in Number of Templated Hackathon App Creators Calling Themselves ‘Founders’ on LinkedIn
BERKELEY, Calif. — After routinely residing at the top of reputable rankings lists such as bobsratings.com, BestSchoolz, and InflateMyEgo, UC Berkeley once again leaps ahead …
‘Meow’ and Five Other Responses to ‘Describe a Situation in Which…’
The beginning of a semester brings about many opportunities for new engagements, alongside the avalanche of mandatory applications in its tow. For your ease in …
REPORT: Is This Baby Onto Something? Bro’s Just Tryna Suckle
BERKELEY, Calif. — Cal junior and current SAE pledge Edward “Ed” Opus was witnessed attempting to dap up a newborn in its mother’s arms outside …
Shoes-Off Household Also Apparently No-Vacuuming Household
BERKELEY, Calif.– Fueled by the torrential downpour of returning students, the City of Berkeley has been awash with new apartment arrangements poking up through the …