Recently, my friend Aidan has punctuated every statement with “facts.” That’s fine, it’s a perfectly good ad-lib, but I have serious doubts his assertions have …
OPINION: It’s Never Too Early to Start Rigging Your Spotify Wrapped
It’s okay that one of your Top Three artists was the Glee Cast, but nobody needs to know that – the world simply isn’t ready for you …
Opinion: Everyone Get Off Eduroam, I’m Trying to Play Clash of Clans
Selfish students everywhere are hogging any shred of the already barely-functioning campus wifi that they can get their grubby mitts on, and it’s depriving me …
National Coming Out Day: I’m a Lesbian Who Gets No Action
You might be wondering why this is late. To be honest, I’ve put this off for a long time, and was too nervous to share …
Friend Using Wine Bottle as Vase Really Nailing That ‘Young, Frugal, and Sexy’ Look
BERKELEY, Calif. – Recent reports show that your ‘almost 20-year-old’ friend wowed apartment guests this past weekend with decor that really made a statement, specifically, …
BREAKING: ███████ ██ █ █████████
MENLO PARK, Calif. — Instagram has ████ mentions of █████ in the recent reporting of the ██████-████ ████ due to █████ of █████ █████. Some …
REPORT: Person Who Sat Next to You on 51B Personally Liked Your Vibe
BERKELEY, Calif. – Latest research conducted by the voices in your head has concluded that your fellow passenger – who sat right next to you …
Fuck: It Was Probably a Bit Too Late to Drink That Yerb
BERKELEY, Calif. – Cal sophomore Ricky Jitters came to the realization last Tuesday night that it was, unfortunately, a bit too late to drink that …
Man Who ‘Doesn’t Need a Bedtime Story’ Scrolling Wikipedia
BERKELEY, Calif. – Gripped by stressful late-night study sessions, many Berkeley scholars have faced difficulty nodding off. Despite spending 30 minutes on the Wikipedia page …