BERKELEY, Calif. — Cal senior Theo Parker has realized he may never talk to his newfound closest friends after graduation. “It’s never been a better …
Produce-Related Pickup Lines to Try On That Hot Cashier With the Gauge
Produce-Related Pickup Lines to Try On That Hot Cashier With the Gauge: Are you a vegan-chocolate-covered-raisin? Because I can think of a few things …
10 Things To Do During the 10 Minutes of Sexual Tension While Waiting for the 51B Across from Trader Joe’s
You do your usual business, wink back at the cashier, then make your way back to the bus stop on University Avenue. Your heart drops when you see four other twenty-something-year-olds wearing the same TJ’s tote bags by the same bus stop, all looking down on their phones. You arrive, and the sexual tension rises. Sound familiar?
I Put Trader Joe’s Everything but the Bagel Sesame Seasoning on an Everything Bagel and I Now No Longer Fear Death
I used to be like you. I used to underestimate the everything bagel. Pish posh, I thought like a character in some poorly-written Anglophile Wattpad …
5 Pairs of Statement Earrings That Say “I Only Dress Up For Trader Joe’s to Impress Other Hot Queers”
But you’re forgetting something. You turn around. How could you forget? How are they supposed to know that you, too, are not completely straight.
Trader Joe’s Shopper Unable to Find Bananas, Only “Sweet Yellow Potassium Curved Rods”
“THIS IS RIDICULOUS! I needed BANANAS and ORANGES, but instead, all I could find was a box of ‘Sweet Yellow Potassium Rods’ and a bag of ‘Sour Orange Citruses!’”
4 Creative Ways to Acquire a Trader Joe’s Sweatshirt Besides Giving a Stellar Blowjob
You have been positively dying for a chance to get your hands on a Trader Joe’s sweatshirt. The question is how to get your hands on one. While nobody should ever underestimate the power of a stellar blowjob — and if that is the course of action you choose then all the power to you, my fond, fellatio friend — but we do have some alternative methods so that all bases (interpret this metaphor as you wish) are covered.
Stampede of Berkeley Bisexuals Coming for Your Green Tea Mochi Ice Cream
Berkeley, CALIF. — Repeatedly in the past week, Berkeley residents reported seeing a frenzied yet emotionally-calming flock of approximately 200 students–all wearing turtlenecks and toting …
The 10 Hottest Things A Man Can Do
4. Smile at me while owning a vintage camera.