Graduate Student Elizabeth Dixon has been a GSI for Econ 1 for three semesters now. A veteran instructor, she claims the secret to success is to “make a personal connection to the kids,” which she claims to accomplish with a fun game of “Never Have I Ever.”

“I start out my classes with some icebreakers so that we all get comfortable, and then we all just bond from there,” Dixon said with a smile. Conflicting reports arise at this point, as intel also shows that after Dixon’s first section of the semester, 6 people dropped and everyone left the room with expressions of dismay and embarrassment.

“You have to treat your students like adults so that they feel comfortable with you,” added Dixon, emphasizing the mutual respect necessary for a productive classroom. “I find that it’s helpful to get it all out in the open in the first hour of meeting each other,” Dixon continued. “We all stand a better chance of learning Econ if we all know who has and who hasn’t done anal.”

“Friendships have definitely arisen out of my teaching style,” Dixon proudly attests.

“I guess that’s kind of true, since my best friend Natalie and I met on the first day of school when we both were crying in the bathroom afterward out of embarrassment,” says student Jenna Neilson.

“Personally, I loved hearing the sexual history of all the women in my classroom,” said Eric Walden, who is glad that he now knows that getting with Trisha Roberts must be pretttttyyyyy darn fun, which he somehow thinks is possible for him even though he called her a “slut” in the hallway after class.  

“See? I’m like a matchmaker out here!” Dixon laughed nervously while discreetly googling if she’d be implicated in a Title IX suit.

Students uncomfortably learned that 50% of them had thought of Oski during intercourse to achieve climax and that a solid 25% of them admitted to calling their partner “Daddy Dirks.” “It’s just too much information to put out there!” cried a student who asked to remain anonymous.

It’s an unconventional style of teaching and a bold move, but we know no one in the administration is going to do anything about it, so full speed ahead Elizabeth!

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