Like many other students at UC Berkeley, I made the choice to attend Coachella Weekend 2 this year rather than attend my classes. While I do not regret this decision, nor the numerous other decisions I made at Coachella, my brain is almost incapable of coherent thought in the aftermath. If you too only have six brain cells left, read this article and share it with your friends! Oh also sidenote: I, like, for sure didn’t do drugs at Coachella this weekend, Mom.

  1. Is it still dusty in Berkeley? Honestly, I just have this nasty cough that I haven’t been able to get rid of, even when I got back to Berkeley. Or is it Berklee? Do I play an instrument? I for sure don’t know how to write anymore so I may need to learn some new things.
  2. Will I ever feel happiness again? Happiness. Ha Penis. ~ H A P P I N E S S ~
  3. Where are my car keys? If you’ve seen them can you let me know? I don’t remember if I left them here or in Indio. They’re on this Hooters lanyard I got when I was 15 with my BROS, but they’re pretty ratty. I drive a Kia Soul.
  4. Are my hands real? I had this thought during Diplo’s set when I made the mistake of looking at my own hands. First of all, what a weird thing to have on your body. Second of all, are they real? Or, more importantly, are they mine?
  5. Billie Eyelash… She was like, so quiet but so fierce. She’s so punk RAWR! She hates herself and uses that as a rallying cry for her fans. She looks like a spider though and that was not good for my brain during the time that I saw it, you feel?
  6. Where am I? I know that most people say they find themselves during Coachella, but honestly, I think that I left myself behind there. If found, please return to Berkeley, California. Preferably someplace far away from Piedmont, though.
  7. Tame Imps… While I was watching Tame Impala, I had the thought that Imps (or more commonly known as a type of troll) probably exist, and maybe could be tame! I’m pretty sure I watched one pass out next to me after taking Ecstacy.

Can you relate? Probably not honestly I think that my bran is the only one capable of having these specific thoughts as I will never be able to return to a normal state. WoOoOoO see you next year Indio!

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