According to polling data out of Iowa, the majority of Team Edward is enthusiastically looking forward to supporting Former Vice President Joe Biden in the Iowa Caucus, citing similarities between the two men. Here are The Free Peach’s guesses as to what those similarities are:

  1. Edward’s understanding of the world comes from a bygone era. VP Biden’s understanding of the world comes from a bygone era. 
  2.  Edward and VP Biden like to stand really, really close to people. Especially people they disagree with. 
  3. In New Moon, Edward tried to launch himself, shirtless, onto an Italian piazza in order to provoke the Volturi. VP Biden’s team recently had to stop him from doing the same thing to a progressive Democrat who disagreed with him.   
  4. “You better hold on tight, spider monkey” is to Edward as “No more malarkey” is to Biden.
  5. Both were at the height of their popularity in the early 2010s. 
  6. Both have been caught on camera smelling young women. 
  7. Biden’s record in the Senate indicates that he is lenient about government surveillance. Edward watches Bella sleep almost every night.
  8. In Twilight, Edward bit Bella to suck venom out of her arm. At a campaign event in Iowa, VP Biden bit Dr. Jill Biden’s finger for, presumably, equally noble reasons.  

VP Biden’s team enthusiastically took this as an endorsement. His staff is calling it the “Stephanie Meyer Surge,” and are classifying it as a multi-generational female coalition with high potential to make Biden the definitive frontrunner once and for all. However, there is still speculation as to whether or not this would ultimately make a difference in the general election, as every single member of Team Jacob is now a registered Republican.

 

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