CAROL CHRIST (purple): Hello crew. Unfortunately, I am here to report that I found a dead crewmate in admin. I personally am able to do very little to stop the imposter, but I hope you feel comforted by the fact that I appear to be doing a lot by writing this unnecessarily lengthy text.

TANG (cyan): These truly are unprecedented times. We have an imposter among us. Everybody please self-report.

FRATMICK WARRING (white): First we have to report our health, and now we have to report our location. What’s next, our cock size? I was in communications.

CNR (lime): I was emptying trash in storage.

HAAS (green): Of course you were. 

FRESHMEAT (yellow): Uhh I don’t know where I was. This ship is so confusing.

International (orange): I waived SHIP.

TANG (cyan): That’s a different ship.

TANG (cyan): I was at MedBay. It’s okay yellow. The U.S.S Dwinelle is practically a maze. 

FRESHMEAT (yellow): Umm, what’s ship?

FRATMICK WARRING (white): It’s what we’re on dummy. And 8” by the way for anyone who was curious. 

CALPIRG (pink): EVERYONE REMEMBER TO VOTE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

HAAS (green): Hey relax bud, we have no idea who the imposter is yet.

CNR (lime): Green is sus.

HAAS (green): Oh fuck off treehugger.

STAN TREE(red): Why are you hating on people hugging me?

HAAS (green): Because I go to Cal and you’re a red tree whose first name is Stan. 

MECHE (blue): Do any of you ever feel that you don’t belong here?

STAN TREE (red ): No. I’m better than most of the people here. The tasks are easy and I fit in fine.

FRESHMEAT (yellow): What are tasks?

TANG (cyan): You can view them in CalCentral.

HAAS (green): I swear if you ask what CalCentral is I’m voting to eject you. 

FRESHMEAT (yellow): I don’t think there’s an imposter. We all signed BearPact. 

CALPIRG (pink): DO NOT FORGET TO VOTE!!!!!!!!!!!!! 

CNR (lime): I voted! Don’t worry.

HAAS (green): Why’d you vote? We have no idea who it is yet. *sigh*  

CNR (lime): Typical. 

TANG (cyan): Wait! MECHE said he doesn’t feel like he belongs! He’s suffering from imposter syndrome!  It’s him!

MECHE (blue): No wait! I was just venting.

FISHER (purple): He said vent! It’s him! 


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