Skip to content

The Free Peach

Everything Your Relatives Fear About Berkeley

Posted on March 25, 2023March 26, 2023 by: Abhi Ganesh

‘Ryanair Is SO Cheap’ and 2 Other Ways to Act Like Your Spring Break in Europe Hasn’t Put You in Financial Ruin

  • Home
  • Berkeley
  • Local News
  • Quizzes
  • The Pit
  • Join Us!
  • Masthead
  • Contact

Tag: Chancellor Carol Christ

Posted on December 5, 2022December 6, 2022 by: Tyler Goldstein

A Carol Christ Email Drinking Game

Here’s a drinking game to help you get through Dead Week and all of Carol T. Christ’s absolutely necessary emails.

Continue Reading
Posted on January 27, 2021May 5, 2021 by: Shane Pauker

UC President Michael Drake Intends for Fully In-Person Kicking Your Ass

“I was a professor of ophthalmology for decades, so I can guarantee: all you’re gonna see is hands.”

Continue Reading
Posted on January 26, 2021May 6, 2021 by: Tyler Goldstein

Chancellor Christ Declares She is The Academic Senate

BERKELEY, Calif. — In a shocking power move, Chancellor Christ has proclaimed that she is the Academic Senate.  “Frankly, the senate is in shambles at …

Continue Reading
Posted on December 15, 2020September 11, 2021 by: Shane Pauker

Uh Oh! Carol Christ Under Mistletoe AND Investigation for Shoplifting!

BERKELEY, Calif. – Just when students forgot about Chancellor Dirks, the UC Berkeley administration found itself mired in new controversy.  “These allegations are absurd,” responded …

Continue Reading
Posted on December 3, 2020September 11, 2021 by: anniebushh

Frank Ocean Emerges From Hiatus to Clarify That He Was Referring to Berkeley City College in Infamous “Novacane” Lyric

Tired of years of misinterpretation, Frank Ocean has emerged from his musical hiatus to clarify that the lyric ‘brain like Berkeley’ on cult favorite “Novacane” …

Continue Reading
Posted on October 13, 2020September 11, 2021 by: Tyler Goldstein

DEAD BODY REPORTED: Cal Crewmate Suffering From Imposter Syndrome is Sabotaging Our Team

CAROL CHRIST (purple): Hello crew. Unfortunately, I am here to report that I found a dead crewmate in admin. I personally am able to do …

Continue Reading
Posted on September 25, 2020May 5, 2021 by: Shane Pauker

Urgent Advisory Message: Marc Fisher’s Night Light Is Out And He Needs Somebody to Change It

BERKELEY, Calif. — In his latest public safety update, Vice Chancellor Marc Fisher has informed the Berkeley campus community of another impending hazard. “Dear faculty, …

Continue Reading
Posted on November 8, 2019May 19, 2021 by: Cloe Wood

Carol Christ Announces Huge New Construction Project: “It’s an Ant Farm. We’re Finally Going to Do Something With All of These Ants.”

She turned to our staff writer with sudden anger, “It’s all these crumbs.”

Continue Reading
Posted on September 14, 2019May 13, 2021 by: Kelsey Ferrell

UC Berkeley Acquires Alta Bates as New Freshmen Dorm for Housing Alcohol Poisoned Teens

In anticipation of this Saturday’s game day, the University of California, Berkeley has purchased the Alta Bates Summit Medical Center as a new dorm for alcohol poisoned teens. 

Continue Reading
Posted on August 31, 2019May 12, 2021 by: Sam MacKinnon

BREAKING: 30-50 Feral Hogs are rushing Cal Sororities. Will They Be Able to Defend Themselves?

However, many have questioned whether the threat of the hogs exists at all, as GreekRank has reportedly “routinely misrepresented” houses in the past.

Continue Reading

Posts navigation

1 2

Search

Top Posts & Pages

  • Opinion: It’s Technically Only ‘Shackles and Champagne’ if They’re From the Champagne Region of France. Otherwise, You Have to Call Them Sparkling Wine and Zip Ties.
    Opinion: It’s Technically Only ‘Shackles and Champagne’ if They’re From the Champagne Region of France. Otherwise, You Have to Call Them Sparkling Wine and Zip Ties.
  • Report: Arnold's Death On The Magic School Bus Is Responsible For Every Single Teenage & Young Adult Problem
    Report: Arnold's Death On The Magic School Bus Is Responsible For Every Single Teenage & Young Adult Problem
  • Frank Ocean Emerges From Hiatus to Clarify That He Was Referring to Berkeley City College in Infamous "Novacane" Lyric
    Frank Ocean Emerges From Hiatus to Clarify That He Was Referring to Berkeley City College in Infamous "Novacane" Lyric
  • Alvin, Of “Chipmunks” Fame, Dead of Fentanyl Overdose
    Alvin, Of “Chipmunks” Fame, Dead of Fentanyl Overdose
  • Danger Alert: This DKE Member Just Called You ‘The GOAT’
    Danger Alert: This DKE Member Just Called You ‘The GOAT’
  • Please Don't Read This, I'm Too Shy
    Please Don't Read This, I'm Too Shy
  • OPINION: Wait, Did WALL-E Ever Fuck That Sexy Little Robot Eve?
    OPINION: Wait, Did WALL-E Ever Fuck That Sexy Little Robot Eve?
  • Campus Curbs Spread of Misinformation by Simply Not Providing Any Information
    Campus Curbs Spread of Misinformation by Simply Not Providing Any Information
  • Berkeley Student Unable to Enroll in Happiness Until Phase 2
    Berkeley Student Unable to Enroll in Happiness Until Phase 2
  • The Disgusting Truth: bCourses Confetti From Assignment Submission Not Compostable
    The Disgusting Truth: bCourses Confetti From Assignment Submission Not Compostable

Our Facebook

Our Facebook
Copyright © 2023 The Free Peach All Rights Reserved | Magpaper by Theme Palace