BERKELEY, Calif. — Even though Kimberly Whittaker has told all of her friends that she is from Los Angeles, it has been reported that she is actually from Thousand Oaks.
“It’s so annoying that she doesn’t just say she is from Thousand Oaks,” complained Kimberly’s best friend Eunice Park. “Like does she genuinely still think no one has heard of Thousand Oaks? I mean I hadn’t heard of it before I started going to Cal but basically, every person I meet that is from LA is either from Thousand Oaks or Riverside so of course I know what it is by now. I wish she’d just actually say where she’s from. I’m looking for a place to crash during Coachella that isn’t basically three hours away.”
Others are not as forgiving about Kimberly’s lie.
“I used to be friends with Kimberley,” reported former acquaintance Max Palmer. “As someone who was born and raised in LA (I grew up in Riverside) it is absolutely infuriating to hear someone claim to be from LA when they aren’t. Like why can’t you just be proud of where you come from? It’s not like you control where you are born and raised. I haven’t talked to Kimberly after I found out she was lying about being from LA. I now exclusively hang out with friend Oliver Waititi who also happens to be from LA.”
“Yeah I’m an international student from Auckland, New Zealand but Americans are so bad at geography I just say Auckland is a small town in Los Angeles and every single person I’ve met has believed me,” said Oliver.
At press time it was revealed that UCLA is actually located in Orange County, but UCOC didn’t sound as professional as UCLA so the school has been called UCLA ever since.