BERKELEY, Calif. — Berkeley College Republicans President Chase Thompson announced he is filing a lawsuit against UC Berkeley for preventing Eric Trump from speaking at …
Supreme Collabs With GOP On Exclusive Court Position
The GOP seems eager to finally cater to white, suburban youths everywhere.
Presidential Debate Drinking Game
Drink whenever you feel dread. Trump says they’re gonna take our guns! Shotgun a beer. Take a shot every time Joe Biden references a time …
Men’s Rights Activists Announce the Opening of El Burrito Across the Street From La Burrita
BERKELEY, Calif. — This morning the Berkeley Meninist Collective (BMC) announced the opening of their new Mexican restaurant, El Burrito, directly across the street from …
Urgent Advisory Message: Marc Fisher’s Night Light Is Out And He Needs Somebody to Change It
BERKELEY, Calif. — In his latest public safety update, Vice Chancellor Marc Fisher has informed the Berkeley campus community of another impending hazard. “Dear faculty, …
OPINION: Why My COVID Antibodies Make My Cum Taste Better
There are already SO many reasons why girls should give me head. To name a few: 1) because it feels good for me, 2) because …
Ellen Degeneres’ Teleprompter Speaks Out
LOS ANGELES — Following the airing of the first episode of Season 18 of “Ellen” yesterday morning, Ellen Degeneres’ teleprompter spoke out about the abuse …
ANTIFA Leaders To Hold Gender Reveal Party at Confederate Monument
RICHMOND, Virginia — In keeping with their violent yet liberal spirit, an ANTIFA couple recently announced their intention to hold a gender reveal party at …
New Scientific Study Finds Coronavirus Immunity in Former FitTea Models
LOS ANGELES, Calif. — The novel coronavirus has presented innumerable uncertainties to the global population, with scientists and doctors worldwide scrambling to create a vaccine …
Zeus to Punish Greek Life for Hubris
BERKELEY, Calif. — Havoc broke out Saturday as a KA brother unleashed unknowable power upon his peers. “Who hath dared to party-foul Zeus, Ruler of …