I wake up to my parents standing above me. I blink a few times, rubbing my light blue orbs to get rid of my sleepiness. …
Carol Christ Consults Ouija Board to Make Decision About Graduation
BERKELEY, Calif.— Chancellor Carol Christ of the University of California, Berkeley, recently consulted a ouija board to make a decision about the institution’s upcoming graduation …
Cal Zero Waste 2020 Finally Succeeds After Students Abandon Campus Amidst COVID-19
BERKELEY, Calif.— “We finally did it!” The heads of Cal Zero Waste 2020 have declared victory. Zero waste has finally been achieved. I recently had …
Berkeley Linguists Discover Hypothetical Second Response to Being Asked “How Are You?”
BERKELEY, Calif. – A research team at the UC Berkeley Department of Linguistics released a watershed report early Friday morning positing the existence of a …
Improv Team Member Proves Worth Through Cameo on The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills
After many uncomfortable months of seeking validation, an improv actor at the University of California, Berkeley named Katie Jones has proved her worth through making …
Former ASUC Senator Milton Zerman Pursues Podcast Career with Ben Shapiro
ASUC Senator Milton Zerman resigned from the ASUC at their last senate meeting, February 19th, 2020. While his resignation will not be made official until …
What the Number of Times You Usually Sneeze Says About You
Once: Calm, cool, collected. Unfazed, ready for anything, the ultimate chiller. Your life moves at exactly the right pace, things just happen for you, you …
Berkeley’s Most Eligible Bachelors: Valentine’s Day Edition
It’s Valentine’s Day and here at The Free Peach we could think of no better way to celebrate than to showcase Berkeley’s most eligible bachelors. …
Confused Fraternity Brother Gives Partygoers Talk About 5 Pillars of Islam
BERKELEY, Calif. – Sigma Chi pledge Don Wilderman had to strike a match after his door duty at last night’s SX rager, where he delivered …
Andrew Yang Announces Road Trip With Beto O’Rourke After Suspending Campaign
BREAKING NEWS: As of February 11, 2020, Andrew Yang announced he will be suspending his presidential campaign. Yang ran an innovative campaign known for its …