Vampires won’t send you an unsolicited dick pic. Even if they tried, you’d probably just receive a phone floating in front of a mirror.
BREAKING: Kanye West Still Included in your Aunt Karen’s list of Satanist Influences Despite Upcoming Release of “Jesus is King” Album
Kanye West never responded to our email requesting a comment. Updates will be added if he chooses to respond. Your Aunt Karen will maintain her commenting regardless, though.
TFP Presents: RuthWatch
As I contemplate the hold that my government has over my rights, opportunities, and access to my own medical services in a land that is supposed to be “free,” I sit and wonder. What is freedom? I close my eyes and think of RBG.
Opinion: I Refuse to be Bullied for my Chunky White Filas
Some claim that the size of our sneaker is an overcompensation for qualities we lack elsewhere, yet this could not lean further from the truth. If anything, the weight of our Filas make us even more grounded than ever before
Mid-October Horoscopes
Yo party people, it’s mid October and you know what that means!! The stars have been gossiping and The Free Peach has the inside scoop.
Berkeley RA Under Fire for Confiscating Student’s Emotional Support Bong
Blood tests taken when Strawberry-Fields filed the police report confirmed that she was, in fact, couched as her Blood Marijuana Content was 42.0%.
Was That The Hayward Fault, Or Is Your Roommate Boning Someone In The Top Bunk Again?
Could this be “the Big one”? But then you remembered that your roommate in the top bunk is a total floozy.
My 5th grader hates me because I’m a Classic Yellow Wood-Cased Ticonderoga No.2 Pencil and not a Paper Mate Clearpoint Mechanical Pencil :(
My owner’s name is Billy! He is a 5th grader at Newbury Park Elementary School and he loves drawing and peanut butter and jelly sandwiches …
Black Out for the Black Out: A PG&E Inspired Drinking Game
Hey fuckers! There are no classes tomorrow, so let’s do what any responsible Golden Bear should: drink! Here’s a great drinking game that allows you to fully participate in UC Berkeley’s binge culture while celebrating the incompetence of PG&E.
Berkeley Goggles Upgraded to Blindfold
As soon as they arrive on campus, Berkeley freshmen adorn their faces with a pair of Berkeley goggles. Berkeley goggles are a visual enhancement feature unique to Cal, designed to elevate the perceived attractiveness of one’s peers.