BERKELEY, Calif. – Although weeks remain before Halloween, Berkeley’s costume shops have sold out of skeleton costumes, business owners report. 

“It’s the weirdest thing,” Party City franchisee Alvin Bean recounted. “Normally these college kids don’t start buying costumes until the day they’re supposed to start drinking. Even then, the only skeleton costumes we usually move are the Skeleslut 2000s, with their patent-pending Realistic Skeletit Technology™. Then on Friday, a bunch of kids in turtlenecks came in and bought out all my cheapest stock.”

Haas junior Kyle Haas (no relation) saw the lack of supply as a business opportunity, because of course he did.

“I asked myself, ‘How hard can it be?’” Haas reported while painting crude skeletons onto cheap black body suits. “I don’t know anatomy or nothing, but I think I know what a skeleton looks like; I’ve got one inside me, after all. I can even get creative and customize ‘em! This one’s rich ‘cause it’s got, like, 40 extra bones — the bones are their money — and this one’s a Phoebe Bridgers fan cause it’s wearing a skeleton costume on top of its natural skeleton form.”

Despite the shortages, freshman psychology major Amalia Lunch managed to get her hands on one of the coveted costumes.

“I can’t believe I got one,” Lunch rejoiced. “It’s gonna look so good at the show! I had been thinking that the parties I go to are only depressing in an existential way— then I saw that Phoebe was coming to town, and I knew the concert would change that ennui to a refreshing, active kind of emotional anguish. It’s gonna be so fun!”

At press time, skeleton-clad Bridgers fans were lining up at the Greek Theater to hear that little “woo” at the end of “Kyoto”‘s first verse.

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